I’m not sure what purpose fleas have in the balance of nature. It seems to me that they’re just here to annoy our pets and their human owners. At least mosquitos feed bats. But the flea? Its only claim to fame is spreading the Black Plague.

And for two months, black has been the mood in our house in Florida. We had two dogs visit for a day, and despite feeding them treats and letting them lay on our couch, the big thanks we got were little blood-sucking bugs that set up camp in the rooms of our house and on our dog, and despite bombs and powders and sprays and the call to a pest removal service in desperation, they were fully intent on staying. Those little suckers were made of Teflon.

I was leaving to head back to Lakewood for an extended stay, and I brought the dog with me. Poor Buddy was beginning to scratch by the time we got home, and upon inspection I saw fleas crawling around on his belly. This is not my first go around with fleas, so I immediately called my husband back in Florida to tell him it was likely we now we have fleas in two houses.

“Go buy the bombs,” I told him. “And get a hotel for the night.”

He called the next day to report that there were no fleas in the house and he was too busy to bomb the place, which was really code for, “I’m just ignoring your request because it’s not convenient.”

I don’t know if fleas have ever invaded your life, but it is not something you ignore. Those little bugs are worse than rabbits. A female flea lays 25 eggs per day on average. And eggs reach adulthood in just 17 to 26 days. Assuming a dog acquires 5 female fleas, and 25% of their eggs survive, within a month the infestation would grow to over 4,000 fleas.

Welcome to my world.

By the time I got back to our place down south, we had a real flea market in full swing. And it was miserable. The fleas survived our every attack, and every ounce of prevention we bestowed on Buddy: flea dips, sprays, topical medications, daily baths with Dawn Dishwashing Liquid.

When the fleas weren’t biting Buddy, they were biting us. And I was furious at my husband for being so apathetic. I guess because he wasn’t charged with washing linens everyday and spending hours researching and learning everything I could about fleas, he wasn’t as distraught. He went on a business trip for four days and that’s when my sanity finally gave way.

“How’s your nice, flea-less hotel room?” I’d call and ask him everyday. And then I took our credit card and called in the big guns. Sometimes it takes an itchy woman to solve a problem once and for all. I told the woman who answered the phone at Flea Busters that price was not an issue. I wanted every last flea out of here. I explained that if I ever saw another flea agin, I would move to a place that is flea-less, like Antarctica.

So, a few hours later a girl shows up with a bucket of powder and a broom. Having expected the United States Army to arrive at my door, I was incredulous that a broom-waving young adult was standing there with a bucket of powder and a broom that had seen better days. But she explained that fleas actually lay most of their eggs in the floorboards and rugs and until you attack those places, nothing a homeowner tries will work. The powder, she explained, is non-toxic, and so I was doubly doubtful, even though the company came highly recommended from our vet.

Then I gave Buddy a flea treatment that he ingested, since the topical ointments were absolutely worthless to these Teflon fleas. In fact, I could hear them all laughing beneath the floorboards at night.

We’re back under control, I’m hoping. The powder has dehydrated the fleas. I even saw a few on the floor, sort of gasping for life. I felt absolutely no compassion.

As humans, we put up with a lot of harassment from our planet, but from a philosophic lens, perhaps irritating pests exist to help us overcome petty external annoyances, teaching us to find peace in the midst of a world we can’t control. In addition, after dealing with fleas, it’s easier to appreciate life when they’re not around.

Indeed. But if I were running for office, I’d promise a flea-less world.