We met Frank, a man who was referred by his friend, Jimmy, for counseling. Frank met Jimmy on a rare outing to the grocery store. Frank essentially was isolating at home except for occasional grocery shopping. Jimmy asserted himself to reach out to Frank at the store. We learned that Frank has been isolating since his wife’s passing. His grown children live far away but they do communicate.

Chance meeting with Jimmy, who had not seen Frank for a long time, lead to an overdose; an abundance of loving friendship. Jimmy involved Frank like a shock wave of wholesome friendship. They went out on activities to include Jimmy’s dog Tiny Tim. To an outsider, this activity was like the equivalent of zero to sixty in rapid succession.

Jimmy convinced Frank to seek counseling. Even in a nascent friendship, Jimmy somehow realized his limitations. Frank had been isolated for too long. With Jimmy’s encouragement, Frank reached out.

We connected several times and left the option for continued therapy up to Frank’s discretion. Two weeks had passed and Frank called me on a weekend morning.

“I’m so sorry to call you on this day. I’ve been thinking about calling. Nothing except my own insecurities got in the way. I am grateful to Jimmy that he made me reconnect with the world. I’ve been a recluse and I guess I got comfortable; maybe too comfortable. Isolating myself from other people, I’ve been thinking long and hard about whether to continue counseling. I’d like to meet you in person. I know you don’t work weekends; course I’m assuming.”

What are you thinking Frank? What do you have in mind?

“Today is supposed to be a nice warm day. I was wondering if we could meet in the park. I’m not sure if you’d agree to do this today. Just to meet you in person. I’ll supply drinks and a snack.”

Sure, Frank. When is a good time?

“How about noon? I’ve been getting out more often. There’s a park bench and table we can sit at and visit. OK with you?”

Oh, that’s fine. I drive at noon to the park to meet Frank. I got there before him. I walked around the area while awaiting Frank’s arrival. Ten minutes later, Frank drove up in a small pick-up truck. He got out carrying a satchel. Not having met before, he waved to me and I waved back. We shook hands and sat on the bench. Nice to meet you, Frank. Nice day.

“Good to meet you, too, sir. May I call you Marshall?”

Of course, Frank.

“This is very new for me if you can appreciate it. Thank you for making a change from your office to here outside. Since I connected with Jimmy, I’ve been trying to get out of my house more. I like this park that I discovered. There’s room to be alone or to walk and say hi to others. I’ve come to learn that being isolated to my home isn’t healthy. Jimmy has taken walks with me. He wants to introduce me to some of his friends. One group plays cards one night a week. I’m not sure I’m ready to be with others in a social setting. What do you say, Marshall?”

Well, Frank, I have to appreciate what you share. You have been isolating at home with minimal social contact. By chance or however you define what occurred with meeting Jimmy, I applaud you for adapting your willingness to follow Jimmy’s lead. It’s admirable. I can certainly hear that you’re questioning yourself. You might think about how you feel; how you experience this change. I think that your openness to Jimmy and his righteous manner sounds healthy. I don’t think it’s unusual for you to question how much and with whom you might meet. I’d like to invite you to consider what you’d like to do independent from Jimmy. Not to write him off but to feel your way more socially and independent from others. What are your interests? By perhaps writing down your interests and creating a list, you can then leisurely explore these ideas. For example, say you have an interest in walking, which you’ve been doing lately. Perhaps there are walking clubs who explore trails or beaches; or for example, you might have an interest in baking. Perhaps you might explore former and/or new recipes. Share something with Jimmy and his group of friends if you pursue cards. Many folks like baked good. What do you think, Frank?

“That’s some helpful and useful information as a starting point. Funny, you bring up baking. My wife baked and I enjoyed her sweet treats. I kept her baking and cook books. She and I used to take nightly walks after dinner. We enjoyed each other’s company. Maybe I can start that up and maybe I’ll meet someone else in the neighborhood. Is that a good start, Marshall?”

We both smiled. Sounds like you’re thinking in a healthy way. No one says you need to become an instant social butterfly. If you find it more preferable to take things slowly and at your pace, do so. Also, you can always decline invitations if you feel uncomfortable or not at ease.

“So, I don’t need to rush into this?”

No, Frank. This is your life. Maybe edge-out, so to speak, into the waters. No one says you have to dive in early on.

“I know we’ve reached the end of the session but before we leave, can I set up another visit?”

Of course, Frank.

“Before you leave, can you wait here? I’ll be right back.”

Frank walked to his truck, leaned in and took hold of something.

“Marshall, say hi to Danny, my new puppy. One of Jimmy’s friends had a dog with several puppies needing a home. I got licked by an adorable pup.”

Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.