Compassion is a term that most people understand as having sympathy or concern for others in distress. Compassion can be seen in a person in numerous ways such as supporting someone during their tough times, encouraging to someone, or just being kind. Whether someone is having a bad day, grieving a loved one, or struggling with their mental health, people are able to have compassion and understanding that it’s hard to go through those things.

For many people, having compassion for yourself does not come so naturally. What if people gave themselves the same credit and understanding? It seems to be that people tend to hold themselves to certain standards and achievements. However, when those standards or achievements have not been met, they see themselves as failures. They then will categorize themselves as being successful or unsuccessful. Yet, when looking at others it is easier to say things like “yeah, you didn’t meet your goals, but look how far you came anyways”, or “it’s okay to take the time, you need to heal”. What if people treated themselves the way they treat others around them? This is called self-compassion. It is the process of giving the same love and understanding to ourselves as we do to someone else. Self-Compassion is based on three components including:

Being kind to yourself, much like you would to someone else who is also struggling. It can sometimes help to picture you talking to a friend with a similar problem and giving them the compassion that you deserve.

Realizing that everyone makes mistakes. Making mistakes a shared experience that should not be seen as a negative thing, but rather something that everyone goes through.

Finally, acknowledge that you can feel bad about having a tough day but not allowing yourself to dwell on the negative self-talk. Often times people will see the negative side of things first, or the failure of not meeting expectations due to the standards they may place on themselves. Remind yourself that tough days happen and it does not mean you are a failure. Some things are out of your control, so take it easy on yourself.

There also some mindfulness activities that you can do at home to increase compassion for oneself. These exercises include:

Talking to yourself like you would a friend or colleague. Picture them sitting in front of you with the same concerns that you have. What would you tell them? Would you place more pressure on them and say do better, or would recognize that life is not always easy?

Stop, notice, and sit with the feeling and the mistake that is making you uncomfortable. Realize that this feeling is difficult and may take a minute to overcome. Give yourself the understanding and compassion that you deserve, or the kindness you would give to another person experiencing hard times. Sometimes sitting with the feeling can be uncomfortable, but is sometimes the best way to give yourself the time to work through the uncomfortable feeling.

Practice giving yourself a hug, which may seem silly, however has been proven to help. Focus on how you would want to be hugged by another person. A tight hug, or a loose hug. Picture how hugs in the past have helped you and how they have made you feel. Rub your hands up and down your arms, this can help sooth yourself when overwhelmed. And if it makes you laugh while doing it, sometimes that can be the best soothing technique as well.

Practicing self-compassion produces many benefits for people’s mental health and well-being. It has proven to be effective with anxiety and depression. Just like with anything else, self-compassion can take time to learn and master, and you may even forget about it and revert back to negative self-talk. Give yourself the compassion to accept that you’re human and try again. If you find yourself in a rut or struggling with anxiety or depression, then remembering to have self-compassion could be right for you. If you also find it hard to do yourself, then additional support can always be found. Giving yourself the compassion to reach out to others for help is always a great first start.

Self-compassion has been studies by many, including Kristin Neff, Ph.D.. Dr. Neff is now a professor at the University of Austin, but devoted a lot of her studies on the benefits of Self-Compassion. She has also published multiple books detailing self-compassion and included different exercises in her different illustrations, if you find yourself wanting more information.