In the busy and sometimes hectic world we live in, many of us find it is becoming harder to connect both with ourselves, and with others. One important factor in our ability to successfully connect on both levels, is Emotional Intelligence. When it comes to our happiness and success in our relationships, career and personal goals, our emotional intelligence (EQ) matters just as much as our intellectual ability (IQ). We need emotional intelligence, in order to make informed decisions about the things that matter most to us, and to connect to others in productive and nurturing ways.

Emotional Intelligence is the ability we have to identify, use, understand, and manage our own emotions in positive ways to relieve our stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict. This ability also allows us to recognize and understand what others are experiencing emotionally. To recognize and understand is, for the most part, a nonverbal process that informs our thinking and influences how well we connect with others.

Emotional intelligence is different from how we think of our intellectual ability, in that emotional intelligence is a learned — not acquired. This learning can take place at any time in life so the social and emotional skill sets we possess, known as emotional intelligence, is something we can all have.

It is important to remember that there is a difference, however, between learning about emotional intelligence and applying that knowledge to your life. Just because you know you should do something,doesn’t mean you will, especially when we become overwhelmed by stress. In order to change behavior to ways that stand up under pressure, we need to learn how to overcome stress in the moment and in our relationships in order to remain emotionally aware.

Emotional Intelligence consists of four main components:

¯ Self-awareness — We recognize our own emotions and how they affect our thoughts and behavior. We know our strengths and weaknesses, and have self-confidence.

¯ Self-management — We are able to control impulsive feelings and behaviors, manage our emotions in healthy ways, take the lead, follow through on our commitments and adapt to circumstances and changes.

¯ Social awareness — We can understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people, recognize emotional cues, feel comfortable in social settings and recognize the dynamics in a group or organization.

¯ Relationship management — We know how to develop and maintain healthy relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a team and manage conflict.

Listed below are the areas affected by a lower level of Emotional Intelligence :

¯ Your performance at school or work — Emotional intelligence can help us navigate the ins and outs of the workplace, help us to lead and motivate others, and help us excel in our career.

¯ Your physical health — If we’re unable to manage your emotions, we probably are not managing our stress either. This can lead to serious health problems. Undue stress can raise our blood pressure, suppress our immune system, increase the risk of serious health problems and speed up the aging process. The first step to improving emotional intelligence is to learn how to relieve stress.

¯ Your mental health — Uncontrolled emotions and stress can also impact our mental health, making us vulnerable to anxiety and depression. If we are unable to embrace and manage our emotions, we’ll be at risk of being unable to build strong relationships which can leave us feeling lonely and isolated.

¯ Your relationships — By understanding our emotions and how to control them, we’re better able to express how and what feel and understand how others are feeling. This allows us to communicate more effectively and develop stronger relationships, both at work and in your personal life.

So as we head into a Western New York winter with another New Year upon is … relax, reflect and enjoy a healthier YOU as you begin your journey to build your Emotional Intelligence. You won’t be disappointed.

For support or assistance regarding mental health services, EAP, House Calls for Seniors, Hispanic Outreach, and School Based Social Work Services please contact Family Service of the Chautauqua Region Inc. at 488-1971