Throughout my life, as a parent, a teacher, a coach, as a churchgoer, and as an advisor when asked to be by others, I look for “magic” words that will help those whom I am raising, teaching, coaching, praying with, and/or advising. I try to think of ways to just say something I think will leave my lips and enter their minds for an assisting fix to their mission, dilemma, or cause. As my parents taught me throughout their lives as my parents, they would try and teach all of us, there are no magic words, there is no book of magic spells, there are no magic wands, or magic lamps, there is just us and the person who looks back at us from the mirror each day. That is not to say that we can’t “borrow” some of the thoughts of great people in history, or authors of novels or self-help books, specch writers, or writers of song lyrics, movie and/or television scripts, to help us as both the helper of others, or the ones seeking the help.

This column has often turned to quotes, from all the genres mentioned, and even the words of speakers I have heard in many conferences I attended in my career. I tried to live my life not being afraid to surround me, with people who are smarter that me, and “borrow” their ideas if it fit something I, or someone else with whom I was dealing, that sought out a little wisdom or guidance which I just couldn’t find the words to tell them, myself.

The sources of some of those words I shared with others were first said, or written by famous orators, writers, actors/actresses, lyric writers, and any others who coined phrases and self-help statements, slogans, or, as they are sometimes called, “words to live by.”

One of those sources I have used extensively was/is the television show Blue Bloods.

If you watched the show even a couple times, you probably heard a quote or two spoken by one or more of the characters of that program. I found many “food for thought” statements that could be very helpful in anyone’s walk through life’s challenges and times that get tough. So, as the VFTB has done many times before in this arena, we offer some words that can be valuable to any one of us.

“And in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.” —

(Aeschylus)

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” (Theodore Roosevelt)

“Down these mean streets a man must go who is not himself mean, who is neither tarnished nor afraid… He is the hero; he is everything. He must be a complete man and a common man and yet an unusual man.” (Ray Bradbury)

“A genuine leader is not a seeker of consensus but a molder of consensus” (M. L. King Jr.)

“Courage is not the absence of fear. It’s the judgement that something else is more important that fear.” (Nelson Mandela or Ambrose Redmoon…Attributed to both)

“Look for the helpers.” (Fred Rogers)

“I am only one, but still, I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something.” (Edward Everett Hale)

“90% of success in life is just showing up.” (Woody Allen)

“The better part of Valor is Discretion” (William Shakespeare)

” Love Is Not All” (Title of a poem written by Edna St. Vincent Millay, read by Tom Selleck to fellow Blue Blood actors as filming of the 14-year series was nearing the end of its television era. It is my opinion that it deals with the feelings of things we cherish, or have done for a long time, that is/are coming to an end, and how it is another way to refer to one of my favorite and meaningful adages I have used a number of times for myself and others I have worked with, “It’s not the destination, but the journey.”)

The words of that poem were…

“Love is not all: it is not meat nor drink

Nor slumber nor a roof against the rain;

Nor yet a floating spar to men that sink

And rise and sink and rise and sink again;

Love cannot fill the thickened lung with breath,

Nor clean the blood, nor set the fractured bone;

Yet many a man is making friends with death

Even as I speak, for lack of love alone.

It well may be that in a difficult hour,

Pinned down by pain and moaning for release,

Or nagged by want past resolution’s power,

I might be driven to sell your love for peace,

Or trade the memory of this night for food.

It well may be, but I do not think I would.”

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This is just a sampling of how you can help someone having questions or difficulties, might be seeking coping mechanisms, in their daily journeys of life, or helping them by giving some words of help and wisdom to grab onto, or fall back on, as they undertake something that might be a risk, or a challenge along their way. Words are very powerful. Along my way, I have “borrowed” many ideas and words of wisdom from many of my teaching colleagues, fellow coaches, and advisors and have, compiled a three ring notebook of hundreds of sayings, adages, anecdotes, etc., that may be helpful to anyone looking for some words of wisdom, self-help, coping assistance, and definitely are “words to live by.” As I find it helpful, you too can look for them in all places, situations, arenas, and genres. Write them down, keep a journal of them as a reference to you for your own use, and to help others too. (Who says Television, poetry, novels, speeches, and/or song lyrics can’t be educational and therapeutic more than just entertaining?)