The holiday season, with all of its pomp and parties, and food and festivals, is always portrayed as a communal gathering of kids and grandkids, neighbors and community. But we know that for some, Christmas can be a stark reminder of being alone and the absence of familiar faces. A quiet Christmas can be difficult, whether our relatives live far away or loved ones have passed. But I think it’s true that during the holidays there lies a great opportunity for reflection, and the creation of new and meaningful traditions. My husband and I are taking a big departure from our usual Christmas traditions this year and I’m working on being okay with it.

In a world that seems to emphasize companionship and family gatherings during Christmas, the prospect of spending the holiday alone feels isolating. I’ve seen a few people on Facebook commenting that they’re all alone this year, and their comments are always tinged with a bit of melancholy. It doesn’t help that they’re bombarded with Christmas music and commercials showing families sledding and decorating the tree. But, it’s important to realize that being alone doesn’t have to equate to loneliness. In fact, it offers a unique chance to redefine the holiday experience on one’s own terms.

One friend, recently divorced with grown kids and alone in her big house, couldn’t muster the enthusiasm to put up a tree this year. With a little encouragement from friends, she posted a picture a few days later of a tree with lights but no ornaments. “I’m getting there,” she seemed to be saying, and I thought her house seemed much cozier and bright–as if the effort to get it done brought great returns on the investment. What’s not to love about little white lights?

Embracing solitude during Christmas can be a catalyst for self-reflection, however unoriginal that sounds. The absence of distraction allows for a deep dive into one’s own thoughts, an opportunity to look back at the year that has gone by, acknowledging accomplishments and learning from challenges. Moments like that can bring clarity and a renewed sense of purpose, setting the stage for a fresh start in the coming year. And who of us hasn’t needed a fresh start in the coming year?

Being alone during Christmas also provides the freedom to create personalized traditions. Without the constraints of family expectations or societal norms, you can create a holiday experience that resonates with your own personal preferences. Whether you spend the day engrossed in a favorite book, take a long walk, or indulge in a cooking adventure with the best meal ever, the possibilities are endless. New traditions can become cherished rituals that redefine the meaning of Christmas, rooted in personal choice and authenticity.

Loneliness often stems from a perceived disconnect with others. But in this day and age, physical presence isn’t everything, as we’ve learned. Virtual gatherings, video calls, and social media platforms enable us to share the spirit with friends and family, even if miles apart. Engaging in online communities, participating in virtual events, or volunteering for charitable activities can foster a sense of belonging and purpose, turning a solo Christmas into a shared experience with a broader community.

Choosing to spend Christmas alone can also be an act of self-care. The holiday hustle and bustle can be overwhelming, and the pressure to conform to societal expectations can be exhausting. Taking a step back to prioritize personal well-being, indulging in self-care activities and recharge can be a valuable gift to yourself. Get a manicure on Christmas Eve! Order a prime rib from Wegman’s. Eat a whole box of peppermint bark! It’s an acknowledgment that our mental and emotional health deserve attention, even amid the Christmas craziness.

For those who find themselves alone at Christmas because of circumstances beyond their control, it’s important to acknowledge the feelings that may arise. Nostalgia and loneliness are valid emotions, and it’s okay to feel what you feel. But we don’t live in a bubble. Reach out to neighbors, church members, and old friends as a way to connect in the weeks ahead. And for folks who have busy calendars, try to remember to call on neighbors who would appreciate a visit, a plate of cookies or an invitation right about now.

I’m all for redefining the holiday experience. Our kids, who are grown and live far away, are visiting just before Christmas this year. So my husband and I are throwing our bathing suits and a beach towel into our carry-on bags and heading to an island on Christmas Day. Being a self-professed holiday traditionalist, I’m not perfectly okay with it all, but I’m hoping sipping a pina colada under a lit palm tree will have me humming Christmas songs in a new and jolly way.

Honestly, accepting the changes in life has been the hardest part of growing older. I’m not Santa anymore. Okay, so now I’m Jimmy Buffet, humming holiday music in Margaritaville.