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How did you find me?
"I Googled therapists in your area. Are you taking new patients? You see, I need to tell you that only a Saturday appointment would suffice. I work Monday through Friday. Can you arrange a Saturday morning to see me?"
Yes, sir. We made an appointment for the following week. At this stage of my life, Saturday is generally a day free from work; however, flexibility makes allowances for serving others.
Antonio was several minutes late. He called with an apology. He came from nearly two hours away to my Jamestown office. He brought coffee and protein bars to share.
"Sorry for being late. I'm not familiar with this area. I have lived my whole life in my community. I work at a health facility. I know lots of people socially and professionally. I've been putting off getting help. Thanks for accommodating me. I had a vision to get mental health therapy but I didn't want to see anyone in my community. Get me?"
I do. When did you come to realize a need for therapy, Antonio?
"To be honest, I've put it off far too long. I live with my girlfriend. Her name, you're going to laugh, is Antonia. We've been friends since middle school. We started dating seriously a year ago. We moved into her apartment five months ago. As a good friend, she pointed out to me that my moods, especially agitation, is tough for her to live with. My most recent blow-up happened the day before I called you. I told Antonia that I would arrange to see someone. It couldn't be anyone close to home. She understood and supported me. She was going to come with me today but I told her I needed to meet you first. She's kind of aware of what's going on for me but not in detail."
Antonio, you mentioned the emotion 'agitation.' What does it look like? Has Antonia or anyone else for that matter painted a picture of what you look like when agitated?
"I feel embarrassed to answer the question. I had no strong or clear expectation of what this appointment would look like. I've never had counseling. Antonia has pointed out that I should have gotten help for my moods years ago. Your question has me tied up in knots."
Antonio, today can be a get-to-know-you session; lightweight if you want. On the other hand, perhaps you don't need to answer right now. Keep this in mind, this is for you. You came today and like all clients, you have a story to tell. You can take the time necessary for your comfort. Sometimes, you might need to tell your story slowly like a chapter book. We aren't obligated to read the entire book in today's sitting.
"Thanks. I've allowed myself to build up emotions for a long time."
Do you have an idea when you may have been struck by a past occurrence that has you tied up, so to speak?
"I could tell you that if I had to pinpoint a time where I felt like I was struck by a bolt of lightning, I'd say when I was nine years old. Now I'm 26. So, chapter one, I guess my life took a turn for the worst at age 9 maybe 10."
Is it too soon to identify what happened to you at age 9 or 10? Let me add before you consider talking about some of your 'chapter one', all what you say in session I note in your chart. Without your permission I cannot share what you state with anyone, unless you, like any client, speak of a specific plan to harm yourself or others, speak of abuse or a crime committed. All your information stays with me; this includes Antonia. Only with your consent can I share with her or anyone else you identify.
"I get it."
Antonio looks down, starts to laugh, and begins to hyperventilate. He puts his hand up and shakes his head like he has the shivers. This lasts for several minutes. Then, his whole body convulses, and he starts to cry uncontrollably. I observe this fascinating picture of changing countenance. Several minutes later he looks up at me and uses his sleeve to mop up his copious tears. This follows with laughter, the kind that might confuse what unsettling body language truly defines. As Antonio's body begins to recede from its convulsive outburst, he's quieting down; laughing in silence and shaking his head. This has been Antonio's time; his beginning therapy, chapter one. I watched and took in the bodily changes. He smiles at me, wipes his tears, this time with a tissue and takes several deep breaths. What has evolved here? I'm soon reminded that our bodies store experiences that we save. At some uncertain time, an experience, like I've just witnessed, might demonstrate its colors. How are you feeling right now, Antonio?
"Let me catch my breath. Wow, where did that come from? Man, that wiped me out. I'm an athlete. I'm a runner. I run 5K races. This is an altogether new and different experience. I'm exhausted. Antonio takes a restroom break. I feel like I ran a 5K and kept running for some unknown reason. I feel depleted. My energy has taken a hit. He takes a bite from an energy bar and a drink of water. I've never felt like this before, like I need to go to sleep."
What did you feel during this incredible experience, Antonio?
"I feel different feelings, ones I've felt before but not to this degree. I felt angry, sadness, shame, and...wow, I feel confused. When I was shaking, I had a vision. Do you believe that?"
I nod my head in affirmation.
"I saw a man; someone I didn't recognize, at least for now, who I believe may have sexually molested me. Oh, crap! Oh, God. Maybe that's the vision you asked me about earlier in the session. Yes, I felt this man, who I can't identify, touching me inappropriately. He's saying things to me like I'm not to say anything to anyone; like it's our secret. Oh, God."
Antonio takes some deep breaths.
"I've got to go home. Can I see you for another session next Saturday?"
We make an appointment.
Antonio, are you healthy to drive home?
"I think so. I'm going to sit in my car and listen to some music. That will sooth me."
Please call me when you get home, okay? Let me know how you are tomorrow, too. You've had one hell of an experience. Please maintain contact until next week. OK?
Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.
Marshall Greenstein holds a master's degree in marriage and family counseling and is a licensed marriage and family counselor and a licensed mental health counselor in New York state. He has regular office hours at 415 E. Sixth St., Jamestown, and can be reached at 484-7756. For more information or to suggest topics, email editorial@post-journal.com.