I was part way through a session when my office telephone rang.

It immediately connected to my cell phone, which would receive a message. Minutes later, the phone rang again. My clients gestured to my cell phone. They offered to leave so I could answer the phone. I declined their generous offer. Ten minutes later the phone rang again. I apologized to my clients. In good graces, they quickly paid for the session and made an appointment for the following at their regular time and day. My next client was in the waiting area. Without a hitch, the client allowed me to investigate the multiple calls. All three were the same number. I called and a woman answered. She apologized for the calls. I told her to kindly be patient until completing a session.

She understood.

Following my last session for the day, I contacted the caller. She apologized profusely. She explained that there was a family crisis going on. She called several mental health providers and got only voice mails. She lived an hour away. She and her family needed help now. My stomach growled for food. I was scheduled to leave.

“Please, please, please, could I stay? They needed help now.”

I agreed to stay and left for a quick meal at a local restaurant. My food came quickly and I took a take-out back to my office. Fifty-minutes later, a van pulled up. Out came two women. One woman assisted the other woman into my office.

“Thank you, sir, for staying to see us. We’re at our wit’s end. Let me explain. I’m Monica and this (pointing to the second woman) is Peti.”

They gladly each took a bottle of water.

“We are in a crisis and don’t know where to turn. Let me explain to you our situation. We are a married gay couple. We lost our baby recently to a miscarriage. You see, everything in our life was going great. We have a home, jobs, financial security, family, and friends. Peti wanted to carry a child. We decided to ask a good wholesome friend to be a surrogate. After a lengthy process, he and Peti got together and she got pregnant. We found an OB to take us on. The surrogate essentially was asked to be a sperm donor, if you catch my drift. Peti found out she was pregnant and, wow, I’ve never seen her so happy. We ate good healthy food, took walks, stuff like that. Then the miscarriage happened. We were bummed out as you might imagine. This happened last week. The doctor that took care of her at the hospital sent us home. Peti kicked back and rested for a couple of days. She told me she was kinda o.k. At first, she got scared and then the doctor talked with her and we figured she was o.k. Yesterday, I went back to work and Peti worked from home. Soon after lunchtime, she answered my call and sounded different; like she was struggling to talk with me. I work twenty minutes away. Peti’s parents live close by so I called them to check on her. Her dad was out doing errands and her mom was making a late lunch. Thankfully she listened to me. She got in her car and drove to our home. Peti didn’t answer the door, which was locked. Peti’s mom had the presence of mind to go around to the back of the house where one bedroom is located. She peeked, she told me later, into the window. She saw Peti crying and shaking uncontrollably. She banged hard and yelled to Peti, who got startled. I guess Peti got up and let her mom in. Ten to fifteen minutes later, I drove in. I saw Peti’s mom embracing her. Both were in tears. I joined them for a group embrace. Peti couldn’t stop shaking. I’ve never seen her this way. She gradually got control over the shaking but I never knew she could cry so much for so long.”

Let me ask you — may I call you Peti? She nodded. How are you right now? Peti and Monica sat close in their respective chairs.

“Thanks for seeing us. I can’t seem to stop crying. Am I losing it?”

Whatever losing it means to you, Peti, how does your body feel? You’ve had a miscarriage.

“I feel like crap. I’m so tired. I sleep lousy since last week. I feel like my whole body is in pain, like I had a major workout.”

What did the doctor say before you left the hospital?

“She told me to rest a lot and eat small healthy meals. I’ve been resting but I have no appetite.”

The shakiness that Monica just described, have you ever felt that way before?

“No, not really. It scared me that my body seemed to be out of control. I do work-out but never felt this discomfort.”

Peti, how do you feel emotionally right now?

“I’m scared and I’m really sad … really sad. Do you know that I mean?”

Say more, Peti.

“I can’t restfully sleep. I’ve had nightmares that wake me up several times. I’m just sad. I’ve never felt this kind of sad before.”

She turned in her seat to an embrace with Monica. Both cry and I hand out tissues. Several moments pass. Monica, how do you feel right now? Have you responded to this loss? It is a loss for both of you. Do you realize this? Monica turns to me.

“This was all new to me. I didn’t carry our baby. I just needed to be strong for Peti, the love of my life. I guess I wanted to be available for Peti and forgot about myself.”

Yes, and it’s not too late to attend to yourself, too. The loss of a child from a miscarriage needs to be treated with dignity and respect. You went about your lives after the miscarriage until you, Peti, had what sounds like an emotional breakdown. Your body lost a child, a physiological change. Additionally, the emotional response often comes either immediately or sometime soon thereafter. I’m glad you reached out for help. For now, go home and cuddle; talk to each other. Would you like to come back and share more with me? If you prefer talking to a woman in all due respect, I can refer you.

“No, we’re grateful you made time.” You both look hungry. Please take the other half of my sandwich home if you’d like.

“We’ll call you in the morning.”

We shake hands.

Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.

Marshall Greenstein holds a master’s degree in marriage and family counseling and is a licensed marriage and family counselor and a licensed mental health counselor in New York state. He has regular office hours at 415 E. Sixth St., Jamestown, and can be reached at 484-7756. For more information or to suggest topics, email editorial@post-journal.com.