Last article we met Austin and Janie. They called about pre-marital counseling. Each spent time introducing themselves including some cursory family-of-origin histories and the story of chance meeting. Silently, I was impressed by their respective attentiveness as each spoke.

No interruptions.

Later, I reminded myself of the myriad of couples who’ve presented with marital woes. I felt, initially, the blessing of a young, soon-to-be, married couple. They had a marriage date set. They’ve been together about 1¢ years. I looked forward to our next session.

Welcome back Austin and Janie. How has your week been?

“Wow, the week for me went quickly. Work is very rewarding for me. I’ve come to enjoy the people who come to rehab. The patients all have one common goal; that is to get better. I’m glad to be included in their lives. The hours go by fast when I’m busy attending to patient’s medical needs. Maybe because work is where Austin and I met. I try to go to work with a smile on my face. Austin taught me that nursing isn’t just a medical function like handing out meds. The attention each patient needs like holding someone’s hand who is scared or getting an extra snack, helps in their recovery. I love that kind of nursing.”

Austin, how was your week?

“I had a long work week. We are really busy. I like construction and I like working with others towards a common goal and seeing progress each day. I come home physically tired but not any other way.”

Who’s the chief cook?

“Janie does a lot of cooking. I do some usually on weekends. We’re both a work in progress. We both like pizza, so we go out once a week for a break. Janie has been experimenting. She’s made homemade pizza once in a while. It’s pretty good and it’s less expensive.”

I’d like to ask you both what your goals are for counseling. Janie?

“It’s funny you should ask. I want to be happy. I am thinking that I need to be realistic and learn more about what marriage with Austin will mean to me. Does that make sense?”

Does it make sense to you, Janie?

“I know it’s just words. Austin and I feel like we fit great together. We, I mean, I realize that we have been together only for 1¢ years. I do know that he’s the one for me. We have lots to learn together. We haven’t ever had a fight if you get what I mean. We’ve made a good decision to be together forever. Is that unrealistic?”

You know, Janie, I think that question is best posed to Austin.

“Yes, I think what you just said Janie, you know, speaks a lot about our lives together. If I may be outspoken, Janie?”

“Yes, go ahead; I think I know what you’re going to say.”

Janie smiles.

“Last week, Janie told you a little bit about her upbringing. Her parent’s divorce had a negative effect on her. Janie sometimes talks about trust issues. Before we met, Janie didn’t have any serious relationships. We spoke at length on that subject. I love you, Janie. I didn’t know how to deal with her…your (looking at Janie) trust issue. That was one important item we discussed relative to pre-marital counseling.”

So, trust is an important feature for you, Janie?

“Yes, it is.”

It is something you want to investigate further?

“Maybe not yet.”

Just to balance matters of particular importance, Austin, is there an issue of your own you’ve interest in pursuing? Austin holds Janie’s hand.

“Can I talk about what we discussed this weekend?”

“Sure. Maybe this man can help.”

“This might sound like a reverse stereotype, sir. We talked about babies. I want to have children. Maybe not right away. Here’s the problem. Janie isn’t certain she wants to have children. She’s been open about some of the problems she experienced when her parents divorced and the children were split up. There’s lots of story Janie can tell.”

So, Janie, how do you feel about what Austin just revealed? Tears formed and flooded her eyes. I want you to know that there’s no mandate here. Sensitive and delicate subject matters may surface; however, it’s your decision. If the subject matter is relevant, then perhaps the timing is not for the present time. I do not push clients to talk; only when and if you are ready. I see you do feel something. A steadier literal outpouring of tears ensued. Austin turned to hold Janie. He whispered for her listening ears not for mine. He let her be real. I believe this wasn’t a first time experience for them. I believe that I witnessed an outpouring of Austin’s love for Janie. His heart was opened. Several minutes later…

“Thank you Austin. My love, my sweet man.”

Janie looks at me.

“I’m not clear with my feelings to open them up to you, sir. I am a lucky woman to have the freedom to let go. This isn’t our first time. The subjects of trust and children are sensitive to me. They both speak largely to our decision to come see you. Today, I’m able to feel both experiences. I’m not ready yet to talk openly. Is that okay?”

Of course, Janie.

That you allowed Austin to reveal concepts that many couples experience has enriched this experience. Our first session was an introduction into your respective histories. Everyone has a story. Sometimes the story gets repressed more for self-preservation purposes. Today, a so-called chapter one of your lives was revealed. I have a feeling there is much more to your stories. To what degree trust is an issue for you Janie, was introduced. Counseling is not like a one-hour detective story where the answer comes forth. Allowances for providing time to tell your story answers the often asked question of ‘How long will counseling take?’ You are allowed control over what is revealed and to its breath and depth. I’m here to listen and not to judge.

“Thank you. Can we come back next week?”

Certainly.

Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.