“We spend so much time eyeing other people and wishing we could do what they do that we don’t realize that we’re not doing what God would have us do.” Blueberry Beach by Josie Gussman

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Do you ever wonder what your purpose in life is? At times my purpose has been crystal clear, while other times I am left wondering. I am at that spot in my life right now. I am making my way along, but have no clear path to follow.

When my first husband died, I found a new normal quickly. I continued to visit with those people that he liked to visit. I ended up getting out of the house every few weeks to visit.

I also had a card ministry. Every month I created more than a dozen cards to send to shut-ins. Once I started making cards, the response I got was very different. For a time, I had merely sent notes, but once I began to make cards people appreciated that personal touch.

When my aunt passed away her children sent me all of the cards that I sent to her. She had saved them all. That was a rather humbling experience. I just made whatever the Lord put on my heart to make. They were nothing professional, but they were hand-crafted. I guess that meant a lot to people.

Another ministry I happened on was a ministry to other widows. One of my readers connected me with a lady who was having a very difficult time after she lost her husband. We corresponded by e-mail. That summer that reader got us together for lunch.

As I traveled, I met others who were on their own. We always connected.

Incidentally, when I married Don, he told me that he always pictured me looking for someone to be with on my trips. I assured him that was not the case. I liked to travel and see different things. I had always wanted to travel but with my husband being a dairy farmer it was not possible.

Often, I produced a column when I returned. It seemed that people enjoyed traveling extraneously through my adventures. The people I traveled with always asked if I was going to write a column. I said it depended on what happened on the trip. Some things were more exciting to write about than others. Some trips were truly adventures.

Recently I received a note from a lady I traveled with. She remembered me writing about hitting a turkey, then having turkey for our lunch. I really did not remember meeting her, but we had that in common.

Now once again as I pick up the pieces, I am finding new work for me to do. Life is never dull. I have started attending the Christian Women’s luncheons and enjoying them. I have reconnected with some of my friends. There was not really time for that when I was married to Don. We did everything together and I would not have had it any other way. Why marry if you are not truly going to be together?

I miss having someone to cook for. I really like to cook. I like to experiment and try new recipes. Now my children and grandchildren are receiving some of the goodies. Yes, I still cook – just for me. I have to be careful that I do not make too big a dish so that I have to eat it over and over.

My baking has taken a turn. I do not bake often any more. I do not need all of the calories, and there is no one else to eat it. Fruit is often my dessert these days instead of cookies.

After my first husband died, I collected Bible verses that spoke to me. I found a great deal of help in the Bible. I enjoyed reading “The Upper Room” every day. I even published a devotion written during his struggle with cancer, but he died before he could read it.

Eventually, I put those Bible verses into a book about grieving. The book was short, but I hoped it would help someone during their struggle after losing a mate or child. My verses all contributed in ways that I never imagined. My verse to live by was from Psalm 27: 14 – “Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”

I truly believed that verse. It kept me centered. It kept me focused. My eye was on the future and the Lord was in charge. Eventually, it led me to husband number two. I waited seventeen years before remarrying. All of them were good. My grandchildren kept me busy. I babysat. I took the grandchildren places. Many times, we just played games here or built with blocks.

When I got to the point that the grandchildren were all grown and really did not need me anymore, I found that I had fallen in love. Although our time together was not as long as we had hoped for, it was good.

Now once again I wait on direction from the Lord since it appears that he is not finished with me yet!

Ann Swanson writes from her home in Russell, Pa. Contact at hickoryheights1@verizon.net.