A quote heard often, and one I’ve used in this forum a few times, was one credited to George Bernard Shaw when he once said “Some men see things as they are and ask, Why? I dream things that never were and ask, Why not?” This saying was also a favorite quote and used by the late Senator and Attorney General Robert F. Kennedy, so much so it was used in Sen. Ted Kennedy’s eulogy of his brother following his assassination in June of 1968.

A professor I once had told our philosophy class that a past student of his took all of about 15 seconds to complete a final exam, which in those days we were allotted three hours to complete final exams, and we were offered unlimited use of lined paper composition booklets with which to complete the exam. Many students used multiple booklets, and some ran out of time before they felt they completed the test for that class, yet one student completed the exam in about 15 seconds and we were told he received an A on that final.

The one and only question asked on the exam was “Why?” The student, after the professor said, “begin,” answered the question by writing, “Why not?,” then closed his book, turned it in and left the room to many wide eyes and gaping mouths on the numerous faces of the rest of the class taking the exam.

I’ve shared this story with classes and teams over the years, and one former student from my fifth grade class back in the late 80s, maybe early 90s, now serving as a Major in the US Army, (Thank you for your service Major Philip Cala) and who keeps in contact with me through Facebook, has told me on a number of occasions that he’s used that story with the men and women under his command, and it’s proved to be a very effective teaching tool.

If we remember being little children, or having young children of our own, “Why” was a question we either asked, or had asked of us, many times in the course of short conversations with our parents or our own children. Young people innocently want to know why something happens, or why something works the way that it does, or why things are a certain shape, or size, or color, and sometimes the answer’s to many of those “whys” or “how comes” tested our parents’ and our own, reasoning abilities, and sometimes could/can not be answered to the satisfaction of the askers, or the responders.

I remember a particular episode of the 1970s/1980s sitcom, Barney Miller, where Gregory Sierra’s character, Detective Sergeant, Chano Amenguale, was forced to shoot two armed suspects and one of them died as a result of the altercation.  Amenguale was having a difficult time with what he had to do and the loss of life that resulted from it. I remember Captain Miller, played by Hal Linden, coming to him and telling him, “Did you ever wonder why the sperm whale, which is the largest mammal on the face of the earth, has a throat about that size? (he formed a circle with his thumb and index finger) … Because that’s the way it is and there ain’t anything you can do about it.”

I’ve often used this example with students and players when trying to get them to understand that not everything might have an explanation or solution … that sometimes things happen without rhyme nor reason, and sometimes (hard as it is) we have to accept and move on.

(Point of information, research led me to the accurate fact that actually the Blue Whale is the largest mammal that has existed on the face of the earth, but it really didn’t matter in the context of the storyline.)

Sometimes the answer to “why” is just, “… because that’s the way it is.”  Sometimes, there is no logical explanation as to why tragedy happens, or why evil triumphs over good, or why bad things happen to good people.

And in some instances of questioning “why” to some things that happen, we might serve ourselves better by asking, “why not?”  I know we aren’t supposed to answer a question with another question, but we can drive ourselves crazy trying to answer a question that may not have a plausible answer, when it’s opposite might paint a little clearer picture to our wonderment.

One frustrating aspect of life is uncertainty, not knowing or understanding reasons behind some things. We knew how frustrating it was for us as children, we can see how frustrating it is for our own young children, and it becomes even more frustrating if we can’t find answers as adults. So at times, we maybe need to look at things from the opposite perspective and come up with a question to which we might be able to find possible full or partial explanations to those uncertainties, thus possibly (sometimes, not always) making some things easier to understand.

Perhaps rather than asking “why” some people suffer from poverty, hunger, depression, homelessness, and/or drug or alcohol addiction, maybe we can ask ourselves “why not” get involved and help create things, or opportunities, that might educate people and encourage alternative choices to those affected by these maladies. Perhaps instead of asking why some things happen to us that we wish wouldn’t, maybe asking why aren’t things happening the way we’d like, then set goals and actions that might make them happen. Perhaps when we question why another tragic killing, or drug overdose, or crime that happens in our community, we can ask ourselves “why not” become proactive in doing something to possibly help make differences in community programs, maybe helping reduce some of these occurrences.

“Why?” is a difficult question to answer. Often, wanting to know why something happened to us, or why can’t things be easier, or why we can’t get ahead, or why there are bad things happening in our families, our communities, our country, or the world, can be as trying as counting the grains of sand on a beach. But maybe by tweaking the scenario and asking “why not” do this or that, and coming up with ways we can get involved, and offering other alternatives/choices that could help someone cope, or deal, with situations makes time better spent than trying to figure out why.  Again, periodically, we need to realize that sometimes things just happen. Death is a part of life, (though in tragic and young people’s deaths, it’s very hard to not question why) and sadness is just as much a reality as happiness, and there are risks that are part of relationships, employment, and most, if not all, decisions we make in our lives. Sometimes we just need to accept the fact that things might not work out the way we want or plan, then try to change what we can to maybe make things different next time, and/or just move on. Maybe too, referencing The Serenity Prayer (“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference”) might help.

Sometimes life roadblocks us with something that seems like it should be so easy to understand, but in reality, may be very difficult to comprehend. Those are the times when just changing the question slightly may, at least, give us, and others, different directions to take to maybe change the outcome or make it more understandable. Maybe it might be as simple as somebody asking “Why,” or asking the opposite “Why not,” or just accepting it by saying “Because that’s the way it is,” and hope we have the wisdom to know what to ask or say when.