Mother, domestic violence advocate: ‘Nobody could help’
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A local mother and survivor of domestic violence is pushing for help on both the local and state levels, following constant struggles with getting help for both her and her daughter during their ongoing domestic violence and child abuse case.
This mother will be referred to from here on by The Post-Journal as Jane Doe who is a south county resident, as she has asked to remain anonymous for safety concerns and because the case remains ongoing. She shared with The Post-Journal her experiences dealing with domestic violence and its effects over the past few years.
Jane Doe has been in the courts with her case to protect herself and her daughter for years, becoming a domestic violence advocate herself in that time. During this time, she has reported to The Post-Journal finding issues with having her case heard or receiving help on the local level from judges, custody evaluators, child attorneys, and, sometimes even the police. She did acknowledge the Salvation Army Anew Center, which she said has been a big help for her as she went along. Additionally, Jane Doe said it has not been only her seeing these issues and she has heard from other local women and mothers facing these same issues in the court system on the local level.
"Entering the court system I didn't know someone could threaten, and have a restraining order -- at that time I had a restraining order against him, file for sole custody, when he had never met our daughter or asked a question about her," Jane Doe said. "He basically sent me messages while I was pregnant, or sent them through a friend, that he would make my life a living hell, and if he ever had to pay child support he would tie her down anyway he could."
Beginning with supervised visits and on from there, Jane Doe said her ex began manipulating the system, almost immediately getting to overnight visits where her daughter would be traumatized and come home crying. Jane Doe detailed more instances with The Post-Journal, including a break in the case because of COVID, getting the case to a new judge once the courts opened up, and constantly not being able to get help for her daughter because of her age.
"Nobody could help her because she was so little," Jane Doe said. "For kids, they basically get them into play therapy and that's all that they can do. Nobody can really help a child. Everybody said I had to have a custody evaluation."
Jane Doe faced more issues with the custody evaluator, her daughter's first attorney, and others who would not listen, even when both her daughter and her daughter's counselor were detailing her fear of going and staying with her father and his wife.
Jane Doe gave a few more examples of struggles to get help locally, including examples of her daughter's father sitting outside their house for four hours, even when she has sole custody; him using the police to bully them, struggles getting restraining orders, files being sent to court being dismissed, and other examples such as the father filing restraining orders against both her and Jane Doe's father through lies, Jane Doe added. Jane Doe's father has also had her arrested for child endangerment as she tried to protect her from him.
"Nobody wants to listen to victims," Jane Doe said. "They don't care. They threaten us into silence, and they do the same thing at Family Court. We have to take the deal they offer us or they threaten us with he could get 50-50 or he could get custody. Everybody is so terrified that we don't push back. That has happened again and again and again."
This and all other examples Jane Doe gave describe what is referred to as coercive control, a pattern by a partner or family member to intimidate, isolate or control someone else, or non-physical forms of abuse that abusers will use to trap their partners. In 2024 a case of coercive control became national news when a South Carolina pastor, John-Paul Miller used coercive control against his wife who had recently separated from him, Mica Miller, enough that she eventually committed suicide. In December 2025, JP Miller was federally indicted on charges of cyberstalking Mica Miller and making false statements to federal investigators. He pleaded not guilty and has not been charged in connection with her actual death, though his federal trial on the cyberstalking and false statement charges is scheduled for this month.
A bill has been filed in South Carolina following the case to make coercive control a federal crime, and a similar bill has been pending for a while in New York. Senate Bill S4079 has been sponsored by Democratic Senator Kevin Parker, and the matching Assembly Bill A679, would both look to establish coercive control as a crime classified under a Class E felony.
Jane Doe discussed with The Post Journal both the state's coercive control legislation that has yet to be approved out of committee as well as Kyra's Law. Kyra's Law, named in memory of 2-year-old Kyra Franchettie, who was shot and killed by her father during a court-ordered unsupervised visit, would prioritize child safety and the evaluation of abuse allegations in family court custody and visitation proceedings, has been passed by both houses of the state Legislature and is waiting to be sent to Gov. Kathy Hochul for her signature. The woman also discussed her testimony to a blue ribbon commission that helped to change the rules for custody evaluators to be required to be educated on domestic violence.
"I do know, because I've seen it, when people get really loud and we start to push back that we can make change," Jane Doe said. "We can change the laws."
If the law currently sitting in the Senate and Assembly were to pass and coercive control were to become a crime, she added, the things that she and others like her have experienced could be something that they could actually receive protection against. New Jersey has also passed a similar law recently, and other states have similar laws as well.
"I can honestly say after being through all of this, the worst agony is watching your child suffer and nobody can help," Jane Doe said. "I literally felt like I could die. That is the worst agony to ever go through; the emotional abuse and fear is worse than the physical. It affects your whole life. They're not connecting how detrimental this is to children and mothers, what these criminals are doing."