Many from our (mine and Sally’s) generation grew up where we finished high school, maybe went on to college, but returned to our hometown areas to find work, maybe get married, raise kids, and retire in the same place we were born and lived the majority of our years on this earth. In doing so, we were never far from most of our siblings, and our parents, as well.

We were both fortunate to be close to our parents our entire lives, which allowed for many opportunities to visit them to see how they were doing, celebrate their birthdays, holidays, etc. It was great for us to be able to stop by my folks house on Sunday mornings after we dropped the girls off after Mass, at Religious Education classes, where mom would have a pot of fresh coffee brewed, and English muffins ready to be toasted and topped with our choice of butter, homemade jelly, or a piece of cheeses she had cut and plated for Dad, her, and us. That was just one instance that made it nice to be in close proximity with our parents.

Birthday and holiday celebrations were nice when we didn’t have to drive hours to visit our folks, or see our siblings, especially the ones celebrated in the winter months, when driving conditions were not always predictable or kind.

Being near each other also allowed us to help our folks, with regard to any health issues they may have been having at any particular time. It was hard for our parents to keep those issues to themselves, as between our frequent and easy visits and phone calls, we were able to keep up with them health-wise. And it was also great for our parents to be able to watch their grandchildren grow up, some of them marrying and having children of their own, and it was easier for them to attend other events involving their grandchildren too.

It was that way for many from my St. James classes, and many from my high school days, and a high percentage of Sally’s classmates in her Sherman Central School classes too.

Times are different now though. The economy has changed and many of us have bid farewells to our children when they have finished their educations and are looking for jobs in their field of choice that are scarce, or few and far between, in our area today. Though we are very happy and proud that they have been able to maybe find their dream jobs, and/or their life partners, and/or raise a family, there is a bit of an empty place in our hearts because we don’t get to see, as our parents were able to see, their lives unfold before our eyes.

We are also happy for them, and proud of what they do, in their jobs, in their relationships, in their family circles, and in whatever else they have been able to do as they have built their lives. And therein lies the Bitter/Sweet Conundrum which sits in the title of this narrative.

There are times when, more than just occasionally, we’d love to have everyone packed into our home, usually having to use the dining room table, the kitchen table, a folding table, and a card table to feed the whole clan. There’s so much laughter, loving sibling bantering, and some pranks that go on, which are so much fun to sit back, watch, and in which to listen, putting smiles on our faces and filling those little holes in our hearts.

There are times when we might be having a health scare here, and we tend to not tell the whole truth when they may contact us and ask us how we are doing. We don’t want them to worry, or drop everything to make the long trip back, as we know they would. We love and appreciate that they would, but we don’t want to disrupt their lives when there really isn’t much for them to do, until the professionals figure things out and are able to tell us something. If it is/was something serious, then we’d say something, but when things are in limbo, we’ve always felt inclined to wait until there’s something substantial to tell.

We’d also love to be close enough, or at least come together more often to celebrate birthdays and holidays, or to have everyone together for a family vacation, or even a weekend reunion.

It’s harder for some, these days, to be parents of adult children with lives of their own. We tend to be selfish, wanting them to be close to us all the time. We’d like to have it be what it was like for us who stayed here, and lived near our folks and some of our siblings. Having that, while at the same time, being so happy for, and proud of, who and what they’ve become, and have built for themselves and their families, sometimes plays tug-of-war with our heart strings.

So, what should we do? So, what, and how, should we feel? It is definitely a bitter/sweet conundrum, indeed.