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Editor's note: This column by Marshall Greenstein will appear occasionally in The Post-Journal.
By Marshall Greenstein
I received a call from a man named Leo. He was referred to me by his neighbor friends. He stated that he was retired and anytime would work for an appointment. We agreed to a mutually agreeable time in two days. Mornings worked for him. He was "an early bird."
Included in phone calls about counseling and therapy ordinarily are inquiries about my fee. No such subject was discussed. We met at 9:00 a.m. two days later. I was watching at the door. The weather was cold, and Leo didn't appear affected.
I greeted Leo, opened the main office door and together we entered my office. He carried a thermos which was filled with coffee. He politely asked if I would be interested in some of his coffee. I declined.
Well, good morning, Leo, may I call you Leo?
"Of course, may I call you Marshall, sir?"
Yes, please. So, Leo, what's happening that lead you to call me? Leo took a swig of his coffee.
"I'm not sure how to answer your question. Let me think. I've been retired for two years. I was a mailman for twenty-eight years. I live with my wife, Shirl, and our two cats, Honey and Joyous. Funny names, huh?" I smiled. "My neighbor, who gave me your name, and I spend lots of time playing cards and dominoes. He's retired, too. He and his wife, and my wife and I are sociable. We've been neighbors for thirty years. Their kids and our kids, we have two, became instant friends. All our children are gone and on their own. My wife works at a medical clinic. She's a receptionist. So while she works, I'm home with the cats. This has been my life since retirement. I take care of the house. I clean, cook, and take care of the cats. My neighbor, Butch, and I get together here and there. Most of my time I spend without others. Butch is a good friend. He told me that you write articles for The Post-Journal newspaper." He actually fished one out that he had saved. He said the subject matter struck a chord for him.
"You wrote about retirees and the stage of life for people my age. I'm 68 and feel like I have good health and lots of good years ahead. Do you see many people for counseling who are my age?"
I see some people your age, some even older. They come for all kinds of issues. Each person has a history and a story. Some want to tell their stories. Some have no one at home and live their lives alone. Some have spouses, some have pets to share their lives. Everyone I meet has a unique story. Since I don't know you, Leo, I don't want to assume to know what brought you to my counseling service. I want you to view this as a relationship. As I explain to all my clients, we're not family or friends, however, like all relationships, there is common ground. So for today, think about what you are thinking, what your feelings were when you and Butch got on the subject of counseling.
"Okay. Well, Butch and I were playing cards in his finished basement last week. This is something we do after lunch on Mondays and has become a ritual. I didn't play cards before I retired. Most of my days, six to be exact, were taken up with work. I was a delivery man. People out in the rural area were my customers. Funny, when I think about it, I spent lots of time delivering mail in rural mailboxes. Most of my customers checked their mailboxes sometime after my delivery. For most of my day, I delivered and saw customers only on rare occurrences. I liked the work. Delivering was enjoyable. I wasn't stuck in an office setting like my colleagues. I arrived ready, started my route, filled my truck with mail and packages, and off I rode. Everyday at the mailroom was busy. The day ended when my route was completed. I even worked on Saturdays though it became a shorter day. Sunday was my only day off except for holidays. My wife and I took our kids on outings a lot. She drove. This went on for years.
My kids and I were close. I got home in time to eat dinner together with my family, with homework and bedtime stories afterward. Fast forward, they all relocated and started their own families. We have five grandchildren. We have regular contact with them. You know, I miss them. We talk regularly and they share photos of the kids. Wow, I've said a lot. More than I imagined. Is that okay? Should I let you talk now?"
Leo, I'm impressed. My experience for thirty-five years has taught me a lot about my clients. People come to counseling for many reasons. Like I said earlier, everyone has a story. Some come to find a place, a safe placeto share their story. I'm here to listen, to hear your story. Some clients carry years of accumulated stories. Envision your life filled with experiences, complete with many stages, marriage and family, and work commitments.Imagine your stories as a history book. When we're in school, we take classes on history, the history of our country, history of the world replete with memorable information. We're required to know facts and information not related to ourselves. How about your history, facts, and information? Who might be interested in learning about you?
"You've given me much to think about. Can we do this again?"
Sure, Leo. Let's make another appointment. Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.
Marshall Greenstein is a licensed marriage and family therapist with an office at 415 E. Fourth St., Jamestown.