Your Wedding Day Is Yours

Brides and grooms receive lots of advice.

Some of it’s even good.

Here are a few suggestions that brides and grooms can evaluate for themselves.

¯ During your life, you get few days that really are yours.

A wedding day is one of them.

It’s yours to dream of.

yours to contemplate.

It’s yours to plan.

It’s yours to enjoy.

And it’s yours to remember.

Is it also others’ to dream of, contemplate, enjoy, remember, and, to the extent you invite them to do so, plan?

Sure it is.

Yet it’s really your day.

Most, if not all, prospective guests will be delighted for you. They’ll support not only the wedding but also the union. They’ll be thankful for, and look forward to, the joy that lies ahead.

Should any of them – without good cause – not be delighted for you, that’s neither your fault nor your problem. Don’t let them make it your problem. They have two good choices: Board the wedding train and smile, or leave the train station.

¯ How many times have you heard that this is the bride’s day? Or worse yet, that the groom’s duty is to show up.

Neither is right.

The partnership in the marriage starts with the wedding. Without the groom, there’s no wedding.

The groom gets as much say as the bride.

He isn’t a potted plant. And shouldn’t act like one, or be content to be one.

¯ A worship service – including a wedding that is a worship service – is normally open to the public and normally requires no invitation to attend. By contrast, attending a non-worship-service wedding or a reception requires an invitation.

Speaking of invitations: During your time of being single, do you remember being invited to events without receiving the opportunity to bring someone?

But others situated similarly to you received that opportunity.

Do you remember how wrong it was for hosts and hostesses to treat similarly situated people differently?

Don’t make that mistake.

In particular, don’t make singles be the odd ones out.

When it comes to extending the opportunity to bring a wife or husband, a girlfriend or boyfriend, a plus one, or whomever, treat similarly situated guests similarly.

If one wedding-party member gets to bring someone, then they all do.

If one first cousin does, they all do.

If one school friend does, they all do.

If one neighbor does, they all do.

If one co-worker does, they all do.

You aren’t obligated to extend that opportunity to anyone. You may have so many prospective guests that you hardly have room to extend that opportunity to anyone. That’s your call entirely.

Nevertheless, some prospective guests – including some who didn’t offer you the opportunity to bring a guest to their non-worship-service weddings or their receptions – may automatically assume their wives and husbands are invited to yours.

Although this assumption is mistaken, you may, of course, invite whomever you wish.

Whatever you do, don’t make singles be the odd ones out. This includes not only people who haven’t been married but also those who – for whatever reason – aren’t in a position to bring their wives and husbands.

And, yes, this goes not just for non-worship-service weddings and for receptions but also for other social events.

¯ You don’t have to spend a fortune.

No one should think less of you for not doing so.

If they do, that’s neither your fault nor your problem. Don’t let them make it your problem.

Besides, they’re not paying the bills.

Many brides and grooms spend very little and have a wonderful day.

Or brides and grooms can spend somewhat more without breaking the bank.

To pick just one example: You don’t need an open bar, the price of which can easily match or exceed the food bill for your reception, even if you have a nice dinner. Yes, open bars can be that expensive.

¯ Ask others who have recently planned a wedding. They can help.

¯ Enjoy the day. You can hardly put on a production such as this and have it go perfectly. Something – however small – will likely go wrong. Just roll with it. Fix it if you can. Otherwise, let it go, and enjoy the day.

Randy Elf and his wife enjoyed their wedding day (#KurtzElfWedding).



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