We met Bernie whose cursory description of a marriage in conflict. He was rigid both physically and emotionally as he sat in his initial session. Before I could customarily get some biographical items such as date of birth, wife’s name, address, place of work, medical information for starters, Bernie expressed how “strange and weird” he felt. I sensed a deeper meaning than merely being in my office. I sensed a disturbance percolating deep within Bernie’s psyche. He expressed a profound sense of power that he acquired to originating from his wife. Bernie had called me to schedule therapy instigated by his wife. He came alone. Seems she viewed Bernie as needing help. His arrival alone answered an early wonder. Would she join him? Sometimes clients who are psychologically locked-in take time to express their problems. On this occasion Bernie’s dramatic explosion of emotion, perhaps other sources of life repressed and rigidly structured, came alive.

Bernie, thank-you for coming again. How was the experience for you after your first session? Did you speak with your wife? Did she demonstrate any observable interest?

Bernie presented less rigid as he sat before me. He drank hot coffee in small sips. “So, sir, did you wonder if I’d make this appointment? I left your office drained. I drove home and left soon after for a long walk. I’ve neglected the active part of me. I got home feeling tired and ate dinner my wife left for me. She was at a meeting, for what I don’t know. She left a note with a chore list. That’s what I usually face after work. A meal and a chore list, which I always complete. The wrath of my wife will otherwise rip me up. That night, I did none of the chores. I watched a movie. She came in later. Said out loud what a stupid meeting she attended. She asked about my session. Before I could answer, she walked away to the bathroom, took a shower, and went to bed. She didn’t notice, thank God, that her chore list went undone. I left for work early the next day.”

Bernie, were there any episodes of your wife’s reported flare-ups? “Yes, one but a doozy.” Can you elaborate? “We had our taxes completed. We’ve got to pay Uncle Sam. She got real nasty and cussed out the IRS like they were in the room with us. Then, she unloaded on me. She called me that name, beta man, again. Said an alpha man would be making more money.” Bernie, how did you receive her diatribe? “Not so good, sir.” What happened?

“She yelled at me. Called me a loser. She looked at our dog and I honestly thought she would hurt the dog. I grabbed the dog with the leash. We went out for a walk. The dog was shaking. I heard the door open and slam not before she, again, called me a beta man who is worthless. When we returned, the door was locked. My keys were in the house. 1 crawled into a window partially left opened. She was doing laundry. She ignored us as we scampered through to get food. The dog and I slept in the guest room. 1 could tell she was hitting the bottle pretty good. No other incidents occurred this week.” Bernie, are you afraid for your safety and for the dog’s safety? Please give this some thought before answering.

“I don’t know. She’s hit me before, even thrown items at me. I’ve got two scars to prove it, sir. I hope you’re not going to call the police. This is too embarrassing. I feel ashamed. She’s a good woman. She does a lot of work for our home. 1 know she’s frustrated. We barely make our bills. We haven’t had a vacation in several years. We hardly ever touch or kiss or hug.” Bernie began to tear up. Tears began to flow. Bernie, if! know domestic violence is occurring, I must call the police. Otherwise, if you say she’s physically hurting you, then I need to protect your interest or else, I’m complicit. I don’t want you to get hurt. Have the police ever been called to your home?

“Yes, once. I think our next door neighbor called. Guess we got too loud. The police came to the door with a noise complaint. My wife said we were fine. Must be nosey neighbors. The police left. Then my wife went to bed and called me a jerk, a loser, and beta man for the first time.”

Bernie, please bear with me. On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the best, 5 average, and 1 the worst, how would you rate your marriage? Bernie took a deep breath. “Three (3), sir.” So, what would a 3 look like; the profile of your marriage? “Wow, troublesome, I suppose. No .. J don’t guess, I know! My marriage sucks. There’s no affection. She berates me. I get to feel like what she calls me, I’m down on myself. I feel inadequate on all parts of my life. Guess I can’t please her or even myself. Oh, shit, sir. Sorry! What can I do, I feel stuck.” We reviewed safety measures for domestic violence. He and his dog needed a viable option to escape, if necessary. We made another appointment in two days. Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.