Question: I have started helping my mother with her mail and I notice she has been donating to many organizations. How do I know if they are legitimate? What advice do you have on this topic?

Answer: This is probably one of the biggest safety/judgement issues I come across in working with seniors in our community, particularly for those seniors that live alone.

At one time, the mail that came to us through the Post Office was important and plentiful. We got cards and letters from family and friends. We got bills from services we used. Then there was some “junk mail”, or items that were not as important.

Today, we get less of the personal mail. We seem to mostly get junk mail, or bulk mail items. These might be political fliers during election season. It might be newsletters, catalogs or newspaper type mailings. It most likely will involve solicitations. These solicitations come in the form of letters ‘addressed to us as individuals,’ or bulk mailings that come to ‘current resident.’ These solicitations are the type of mailings I worry about the most.

I have been working with seniors for more than 25 years and during that time I have seen some pretty sad situations relating to mail. I have seen individuals lose almost everything they have worked for through solicitations that come in the mail. These sometimes are sweepstakes or chances to win something BIG. It can happen when individuals literally give away all they have to others. Most of the time these ‘others’ didn’t really know the senior, or care about the person who was giving them money.

This very often begins with a donation to a cause that the senior cared about, or was encouraged to donate to. There are more examples of this than I could list here. That individual single donation gave the senior something they could feel good about. The problem lies in the fact that once you donate, that charity often comes back again and again. There are also some that once you donate to their charity, they sell your name and address to a huge number of other groups that then send you requests for money.

This starts a continuing spiral of increase in mail, increase in solicitations, and increase in donating, with leads to more and more and more.

You can instantly visualize the piles of mail that come to the house. Charities that seek your support. Catalogs that arrive with products. Agencies and organizations that seek your membership.

I have seen individuals who believe the organization is writing to JUST them, and this is enhanced by a signed letter, addressing ‘the relationship’ they have to one another in this particular cause. I have seen individuals who believe that the orphanage will close without their support. The children will not have a school without their support. The government will collapse without their support. The sweepstakes winning number is in the envelope enclosed. The grand prize award is being shipped to you today.

I have to say NO! These mailings are not addressed to you personally any more than they are personally addressed to the 10,000 other people in your zip code. Take a look at the trash can at the Post Office on the day you get the mailing. Do you see a lot of similar envelopes in the trash or in the recycling bin?

My advice when it comes to this type of mail issue, is STOP donating to these types of organizations, charities, solicitations. The best way to STOP is simply don’t respond. Get rid of the mail, don’t take the phone calls, stop the automatic payments. When they stop getting the money, they will eventually stop asking.

You can also contact the organizations directly and demand they take you off their mailing lists. If you are helping someone, like your mother, that may make the most sense. You can also remove her phone from most call lists, by using “Do Not Call Registry.” This registration is now done online at www.donotcall.gov. This website allows you to register multiple phone numbers, so you can do your mother and your house at the same time. This registry removes your phone numbers from the allowable call list for solicitations. This will help to reduce the phone calls, but not end it completely.

The other issue I feel is a bigger part of this situation, is the feeling of being alone, or isolated that your family member might be feeling. This mail, this correspondence, this contact is a ‘touch’ that your mother is getting from someone else. It appears these organizations/individuals care about her. Often times it is about helping. Your mother may feel like she can’t help anyone any more. I would look for other ways for her to help. She needs to understand that YOU understand she wants to help others. She needs to know she can! She can do it with time, as well as a monetary donation. Help an organization in your community! Help a charity in your town! There are so many worthy causes that I can think of.

If you donate to a charity that helps locally, you can help those where you live. You can also see what they do, who they impact, and who they help. There also is the opportunity to steer your community in a positive way. Some of the organizations that come to mind are Meals On Wheels, your local Library, volunteer in your community school, your local food pantry or community cupboard, knit mittens for the schools in your community or read to someone who can no longer see. This local donation of time, talent, or money, can make a positive impact on those that live around you.

No matter what our age, our income, our lifestyle, we all want to help someone. We want to feel needed and special to someone. When you donate or volunteer locally, you change YOUR community.

It is my personal opinion that changing our local community for the better is a bigger impact, than donating to a national charity. Those charities are harder to hold accountable. It is harder to make an impact. And if you want to check on how those organizations use donation, you can them out online. Choose those that don’t use a large percent of their money for administration costs.

Talk to your mother about that idea. Find ways for her to help those closest to her, where she lives. This may discourage that desire to be distracted by all that mail. Fill her life with local ways to impact her community.

To contact Janell Sluga, GCMC with questions or concerns, please call 720-9797 or e-mail her at janells@lutheran-jamestown.org.