What anyone may do and/or think about that develops into problems for another, or what anyone may not do or not think about that may foster ill feelings or greater consequences for another person, sometimes known or unbeknownst of us, our behavior and attitude played out verbally or nonverbally may adversely affect others.

One may wonder where this concept may take place. For example, I especially observe the aforementioned in marital and family matters. One common theme in a marital discord questions the plight of young children. When parents express discontent with regular or even infrequent tirades, we know that children are at risk for health-related consequences. Social behaviorists once urged parents to verbalize their disagreements, their discontent, after the children went to bed. Keep it down to a dull roar. Unbeknownst to some parents, their ability to save their verbal diatribe for later didn’t save face. That is children often reported hearing the verbal exchange. Some children who actually slept through the heated exchange later reported feeling the tension. “What’s going on?” Parents might be cornered and forced to either identify the source of the tension verbally or conversely keep it silent. “It’s none of your business,” was a common response that often followed and didn’t necessarily satisfy the children’s inquiry.

As well as parents think each knows the children, who amongst the children predictably or unpredictably may suffer consequences? My experience has taught me that parents don’t, in fact, really know who might suffer. Additionally, parents may not know how the suffering may play out. Children at risk suffering consequences from parental discord are susceptible to a host of problems.

Some may lose sleep, have nightmares, lose his/her appetite, get easily irritated or agitated, make impulsive unwise daily decisions, act out aggressively towards others or inflict harm upon oneself, lose trust in existing relationships of any kind, lose interest in school and experience stress-related illnesses. On a more dire level, some may turn to heavy dangerous drug and alcohol use as a defense to internal pain and suffering. Fortunately, not all children experience the aforementioned possible examples of unintended consequences.

We can only hope that parents with marital discord don’t intentionally promote suffering for the children. Sometimes the consequences may occur immediately, sometimes there’s a latent or delayed effect. I’ve had numerous adult clients whose lives have been irreparably damaged years later. That begs the question – Didn’t anyone notice and take action? What prevented the child, not an adult, from seeking guidance? Therapy and counseling may help answer those questions and uncover long-held pain and suffering.

Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.