Flying Solo

I know most everyone has experienced a horrible date, a ridiculous relationship they never thought they would put up with for as long as they did, or just a silly moment with a person they were attracted to. But does everyone document these experiences in hoping they can decipher and explain where the breakdown occurred, or at least someday share these stories to shed some light on the reason they’re still left flying solo? Well my friends, that is exactly what I have done most of my life.

Every time I date or fall for someone, it eventually ends and I’m left scratching my head in confusion and drowning my sorrows in my laptop while I consume a concerning amount of chocolate truffles to get me through the heartache. Perhaps the problem is me? Could I purposefully be falling for the wrong kind of guy, or subconsciously sabotaging the relationships I’m in because I’m doomed for lonesomeness? This could quite possibly be. Either way, it has been quite an adventure.

I love the looks and questions I get when I meet someone who is aware of my age or I catch up with someone I haven’t seen in a while. “Married? Engaged? Not even a boyfriend?”

That would be a negative to all of the above. And I’m doing just fine, thank you…I think.

I have developed silly childhood crushes for as long as I can remember. According to my mother, my first kiss occurred at the ripe age of 2. It happened with a drooling, curly-haired toddler she had been babysitting. Apparently, I couldn’t resist his luscious locks, or maybe it was his slobbery lips. I believe the experience was brief since I was more concerned with learning how to potty train while, he was presumably more engaged in what was happening on Sesame Street. Not that I can recall the encounter, but to know my intrigue with boys started so early makes me wonder why I have yet to figure out the bewildering game of dating I’m faced with today.

In preschool I was approached at church by the son of my mother’s friend. He gave me a tiny floral box, which I later realized was a fancy pill holder. He thought I was pretty and wanted me to have something pretty. He was a year younger, and at the age of 4, I felt he was far too young for the likes of me. Little did I know the future would prove that small signs of affection and thoughtful simple gifts by a significant other are a rarity.

At the end of my first day of kindergarten I was approached by a boy who told me, “You’re a potato, and I’m going to eat you.” I wasn’t sure how to take this and ran to the arms of my mother waiting to pick me up from school. I was mortified, and as she comforted me, she told me this was how boys flirt. To be honest, the pick-up lines haven’t improved much since then.

My first “boyfriend” was someone I met in first grade. I was placed at my desk where the teacher sat us in alphabetical order. I was waiting to see who would be placed in my vicinity and then, he appeared, like a gift from above. He was so cute and I knew I had to do something to let this boy know. The following weekend, I spent the night at my Nana and Papa’s and brought home some great advice I knew I would be taking advantage of.

I asked with inquisitiveness, “Nana, how do I get a boy to notice me?”

“Well honey, when I had a crush on your Papa, I would play footsie with him under the table. But you’re too young for that. Maybe you should draw him a picture,” she said.

“A picture? No way. I’ll give him something special that will definitely get his attention,” I thought.

I went to school on Monday with anticipation of using this new world of advice I had received. “Footsie, I can do this.” I thought. As he sat down across from me, I shot him a smile, and went in for the kill. I reached my leg across the desk, had a surge of excitement and confidence run through my body… and kicked him in the leg as hard as I possibly could.

“Oww! What was that for?!” he cried.

“It’s called footsie. All the boys like it.” Or so I thought.

I ended up getting a time-out by the teacher and was told that violence is never the answer. And here I was simply trying to win the affections of a boy I had a crush on. It took a few weeks but I ended up winning back the trust of that poor boy, promising to never play “footsie” or cause him bodily harm again. I believe we were an item for a total of three days before his mother said we were too young to be dating. Eh, it was fun while it lasted.

I could go on and on recalling my lost loves, but I know one thing is true: As long as I never lose sight of myself and see these encounters as lessons learned and hilarities in life, I can face each day with a smile and the confidence to know my worth.

I think this quote says it best: “No, I am not single. I am in a long distance relationship because my boyfriend lives in the future.”