×

Editor’s Note

As I’m writing this, I’m a few hours away from heading to the store to buy my stepdad a birthday card. Today is his birthday, so – as per usual – I have waited until the absolute last minute possible to head to the greeting card aisle.

But it shouldn’t be a big deal, right? I’ll just walk into the store, find the first of hundreds of feel-good, singing birthday cards and be on my way. Unfortunately, that’s not the case.

It’s quite possible that I lack the ability to properly express myself – particularly through a Hallmark card. Regardless of whose birthday, wedding, graduation or anniversary it is, my goal when buying a card is to make them laugh.

Does it always work? Of course not.

Some of my loved ones want their cards to contain poems about how special they are. Don’t get me wrong; they are special. That’s why I buy them cards. Their cards, however, probably don’t reflect that until they read a sloppily written “Love, Scott” at the end.

Much like watching and listening to the lines in a romantic comedy, the words in the sappy cards make me sick to my stomach. I can’t bring myself to buy them. So, I try to remove them from the search immediately.

The challenge becomes finding a card that’s funny but not disgusting, particularly if it’s for one of my grandparents, for example. My stepdad, thankfully, has a formidable sense of humor. My card would really have to push the limits of decency to offend him.

I also try to eliminate cards that play music from the search. My goal isn’t to annoy anyone by making them listen to “Birthday” by the Beatles every time someone reads the card.

Typically, I know the card when I see it, and I hope that’s the case tonight.

Looking at the front of the card is a good place to start.

A cover featuring flowers and the words, “For you on your special day” in pink writing doesn’t interest me. A smiling cartoon squirrel who looks like he’s up to no good, however, shows promise.

At this point, my relatives know what’s coming on their birthdays, and I expect the same thing on mine each fall. There’s nothing wrong with a good laugh, even if it’s on your special day.

Editor’s Note

The temperature has been a hot topic around the region for most of the week.

Since the newsroom has no windows, I ask people walking in how the weather is outside if I’m curious. Most of the time, though, I don’t really care. The weather is out there; I’m in here.

If we’re experiencing a blizzard, I’ll worry about it when I start shoveling snow off my car. If it’s 90 degrees, I’ll worry about it when I roll down the windows.

But this week, office windows or not, we knew it was warm. The air conditioner apparently had a battle with the heat and got fried.

I was reminded of my former job during the first afternoon without the air conditioner, as I started to sweat while working. A few years ago, I spent the summer in a warehouse lifting cases of beverages; it was no picnic. I have a lot of respect for people who do manual labor, particularly those who are out in the elements or in a hot facility when the weather isn’t ideal.

After moving to the paper, I looked forward to the perks of office life, one of them being an air conditioned space when the weather outside became unbearable. Unfortunately, this week, it was back to box fans, dimmed lights and short sleeves when the air conditioner went down.

There was no shortage of creativity, though, as some of my coworkers discussed how they would beat the heat. From Hawaiian shirt day suggestions to jokes about frying eggs on the floor of the newsroom, everyone had an idea on how to lighten the mood. Although we were hot, sweaty and some of us maybe a little cranky, we powered through to the weekend.

One thing we could all agree on is that it doesn’t matter how old you get, air conditioner or not, free popsicles make a hot day better.

Editor’s Note

While I was over at my mom’s house recently, she told me I should throw my brother a diaper party.

“A what now?” I replied.

A diaper party, apparently, is sort of like the opposite of a baby shower, meaning it’s for the father to be. (Thank you, Google.)

So, instead of whatever happens at a baby shower, men come with diapers in hand.

That’s not so hard, right?

I tell my brother’s friends I’m throwing him a diaper party, they drop them off, I say, “Thanks, dudes,” and everyone goes about their business.

But of course, it’s not that simple. The guests will expect to be entertained.

Will they want to guess the baby’s height and weight, or do their best imitation of what happens at a baby shower? Definitely not.

Our friends will need a different kind of entertainment to keep them happy. I’m thinking if I supply food and drinks, a couple of lawn games, and a deck of cards we’ll be just fine. It doesn’t take all that much to keep a group of our friends happy.

When I was the best man in my brother’s wedding last summer, I had to plan his bachelor party. I hated planning it, but I enjoyed the party itself. It was a great opportunity to spend time with a lot of old friends, many of whom we don’t get to see very often.

I thought my party-planning days were over, but it seems we live in a new era – one where parties are thrown for men who are about to become fathers.

Diapers, I understand, aren’t cheap, so I think my brother and sister-in-law will be happy to not have to worry about those for quite a while.

It’s also my hope that after this party I won’t have to think about diapers for a long, long time.

Editor’s Note

Technology and I don’t always get along. When my mom and step dad bought me a Sirius XM Satellite Radio for Christmas, I was excited to listen to commercial-free music, but I thought getting it to work properly would be a major headache.

After I got home and opened the box, I discovered lots of pieces and paperwork. Sure, I could’ve read the instructions, but that would’ve required patience. Using my best judgment, I assembled the pieces and parts, placing the radio on my desk and hoping for the best.

To my amazement, it worked. There I was, with dozens of stations at my disposal, each one sounding as clear as the next. I’d pass the time switching from sports channels to new music, to 1990s hits to classic rock.

It went on like this for several months. Then, technology turned against me.

One day, while listening to the NASCAR station, the voices would come in and out, and a message appeared on the screen: “Acquiring Signal.” I wiggled the antenna around and moved the radio from room to room, hoping for the best.

For a few weeks, that was a workable arrangement. The radio, however, decided to throw a new message into the mix: “Check Antenna Connection.”

My old tricks weren’t cutting it, so I dug the manual out of the radio’s box in the basement. While flipping through it and dreading listening to FM radio again, I thought, “It would probably be easier to just Google this.” I did – and it was.

Among the results for “How do I fix my Sirius radio?” was a YouTube video. An amateur videographer who owned one thought he could help.

After a few minutes, he had given me the information I needed. I simply had to jam the radio farther down onto its base, and now static and commercials are in the past once again for me.

For me, it’s a great deal. For my neighbors, though, it’s probably not.

Starting at $3.50/week.

Subscribe Today