Question: The holidays are here and I can’t imagine what to get my parents. They are starting to downsize and keep saying they don’t want anything. I don’t know what they need. What ideas do you have?

Answer: Christmas time and the holiday season can be stressful. We want to be sure we remember to give gifts to everyone we love. But what to get them? What do they need. Also giving stuff just to give stuff, doesn’t really help anyone. So hopefully this helps.

Our older family, neighbors, and friends rely on those that help them to make their life better. Sometimes this can be harder due to distance or job related issues. I know that many older people are isolated and may not have many visitors. Others have been more active and don’t “need” a whole lot. When you have been around 60, 70 or 80 years, you probably don’t have a wish list or items that you need. This time of life may be about ‘getting rid of stuff’, as your parents have started to do.

One of the first things I always recommend is to give a gift of time. Give this gift in the form of phone calls, trips to the grocery store, doctor appointments, or beauty salon. Time set aside to visit or talk. Make a date once a month or once a week to do whatever they choose. This time of year it could be helping to decorate their home, maybe next month take down the decorations, and then next month do grocery shopping. It could also be to bring in coffee, or lunch.

We can do things together, but do it differently. You could watch TV together, maybe there is a favorite show they used to watch or enjoy. Now we can stream many of those shows. So maybe a streaming service as a gift, and then help them to set it up and use it to watch that favorite show.

I know for my mother this is Murder She Wrote. Sometimes we watch it together. Sometimes, I put it on while I am at the house working. Sometimes I come over, set it up and then go home, so she can enjoy the show with her hot cocoa and snack.

We often want to give something tangible that lasts, but the time we give is often much more valuable. There are things they may need, maybe a gift card for flowers in the spring, grocery store or again the beauty salon. That gift card can then be followed up with “I will take you to…..”. This could also be bringing flowers, or having flowers delivered regularly. A reminder that you care all year long. Take out from their favorite restaurant. A subscription to the Post Journal, or another newspaper or magazine they enjoy.

If money is tight for you, the gift of time is less expensive. There are so many things that could be helpful; shoveling, gardening, rototilling, planting, sorting stuff, driving, talking, cleaning windows, the list is endless. All of these things are valuable, but don’t cost you as much and mean a lot to the person who receives them. Other ideas: Cook dinner for your family and bring some of it to them.

Maybe bringing a group to their house to carol or do yard work. Your whole family could participate in these types of activities.

I think it is important to teach families to give to others. It doesn’t have to be about money. Time is much more valuable. We all feel the pressure to do more, get more, spend more. Time spent with an older person is a way to slow down, take a breath and remember to listen, watch and learn. Who knows, maybe that older person could teach you something, making it a double benefit for them and for you.

While together they teach you to knit, crochet, or play an instrument. Maybe they can’t see to read, so you read to them, you read something you wouldn’t normally read, and you both benefit. Many of these activities can be done over the phone, or via FaceTime or Zoom. They don’t necessarily require you to be in the room.

The holidays are not about spending money to show you care. The Holidays are about expressing your love, appreciation, and respect for those in your life. Giving time is a wonderful way to do that.

Wishing you a wonderful holiday season.

Janell Sluga is a Geriatric Care Manager helping seniors in our community access services and insurance. To reach her, please email editorial@post-journal.com.