×

Seeking Help In A Troubled Marriage

The previous article provided a cursory reference to a growing trend – marital longevity and transition into separation or divorce. Once again, this article is not, I repeat, not an endorsement. A sordid reality, one many are not familiar with, is ascending in numbers.

The many challenges faced by married couples over the course of decades together, at times serve notice for its harsh impact. A common theme spoken by one or both parties is the intolerance of what once was acceptable. Slights, hurts, betrayals, as referenced in the first article, might be accumulated, not forgotten or let go and now weigh heavily on the psyche. So when the injured psyche is at wit’s end or as the great philosopher, Popeye, stated, ”That’s all I can stands. I can’t stands no more.” Then one is challenged to face transition. For some time, this inevitable transition may be a great relief, for others, a source of grief and loss on a grand scale.

Some folks might have sought professional help from clergy, therapists, doctors intermittently in the course of their lengthy marriage. some folks merely kept the experience and its impact vested and private. Either direction may arguably provide proverbial food for thought. Those who have endured the challenge to inner peace and joys in life may have dreamt about life apart from their mate. In any case, the internalization can be daunting. Lots of questions, with little to no answers, may accumulate to challenge one’s sensibility.

A decision to make a move out of the marriage might result both, again, in relief from the constant reminder of psychic pain. yet, the great unknown lies ahead. Though others who’ve made the transition may share their wealth of experience, each person will face his/her own unique transformation. Practical changes will be in one’s face to experience to include, financial, social, family and medical, to name a few.

Financially, unless the couple has saved sufficient funds for their planned retirement together, alone, they will be forced to share the bounty. Some folks may ride the wave with a minor impact, many will be facing financial hardship. We read about wealthy couples who divorce and are left with monies worthy of envy even to a stable couple. The majority will face a tighter belt.

Socially once apart, the social sector that was an important component in their lives may or may not change. The change in marital status can bring a sense of both loyalty and divide socially. Friends once viewed as wholesome are faced with the discomfort that may arise. ”Do I remain friends with one, both or neither?” Can the change result in tension for the friends? Each experience differs.

Family to include adult children and in-laws, too, are challenged and can face their own experience of grief and loss.here too, at times, loyalty may or may not be divided. Also, the message to adult children on the principles each holds to the institution of marriage may or may not be a bitter pill to swallow over time. Seeking guidance is recommended where applicable.

Lastly, as we age and even with medical advancements, medical concerns may arise. Without a mate to aid in the comfort of medical challenges faced alone or with one’s marital partner, being apart and caretaking oneself can be burdensome. Family may ease some of th e burden

In any case, one is majorly challenged to look within to avoid pitfalls if desire, time and interest for a new partner may manifest. Otherwise, being alone will serve to hopefully with faith to continue with personal growth and development.

Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.

Newsletter

Today's breaking news and more in your inbox

I'm interested in (please check all that apply)
Are you a paying subscriber to the newspaper? *
   

Starting at $4.62/week.

Subscribe Today