A memory of a former client came to light the other evening. She had sought guidance and direction. She was struggling with her marriage, described as ”troubled.” Initially, she wanted to come alone. She was torn between staying or leaving her marriage. She told me that her husband had been unfaithful. She emphasized that until she clearly made up her mind, she’d see me alone. I had some trepidation abut my role in her ultimate decision.

I stated my position unequivocally and she understood. As the weeks ensued, I listed to her, yet never took a position on the fate of her marriage. given no safety concerns, I let her take the lead. She was not timid when describing the intensity of emotions that infidelity touched. Her heart was deeply affected. However, she gave no indication of a so-called broken heart. We covered questions that I posed about her daily functioning such as moods, sleep and appetite. Though affected, she continued to be indecisive about the future of her marriage. I gave no reason to push.

One session caught me by surprise and a bit off guard. As if she could read me, she pinned me down with the question I’d been waiting to hear. Yet, I felt vulnerable. I felt ill at ease. I languished for what seemed like forever as if some force pushed the ”PAUSE” button.

She sat quietly then leaned in front of her seat with her elbows atop my desk. My inner voice was momentarily paralyzed, for what felt like an eternity. I realized that she was ready for something real and honest from me. Yet, I was fighting off the vow I once made not to tell anyone what to do unless safety was in doubt.

Out of the blue, I found myself reaching in my desk drawer for an item. She gazed upon me inquisitively. Clearly she was awaiting my answer. I finally spoke. I told her that I had a prop that might enlighten her. This prop aided her in securing the answer she sought from me. I held up an elastic band. She started to smile then she burst into laughter. She encouraged me to explain what this prop, an elastic band, had to do with her major search.

Gently, at first, I asked her if she and her husband had stated traditional or creative vows. They were married in the spirit of traditional vows. Ergo, I took the prop in both of my hands and spread it out until it reached a stress threshold. I looked her square in the eye and said that one side was ”for better,” one side was ”for worse.” I added that each person has his/her own definition of ”for better” or ”for worse.” How far do you stretch the prop, the elastic band, until it breaks?

She chuckled, sat back in her chair and pondered the past few moments. She looked up after what seemed like forever (a couple of minutes) and told me that she understood. The next week and for weeks following, she brought her husband. He was given a forum to speak his mind, expressing his feelings and to eventually take ownership for his regretful behavior. With his wife’s prompt, he asked me for a demonstration of my famous prop. He laughed, then sobbed. They worked on the matters identified for a long time. Thought they eventually reconciled, it wasn’t without hardship and eventual psychic growth. I kept that elastic band in my desk drawer and utilized it for the symbol it brought to couples.

Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.