Couple Fights To Repair Marriage After Infidelity

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 23 years. A month ago, he slept with my daughter’s best friend.

As soon as it happened, he told me what he’d done. He said he felt like I didn’t love him anymore and admitted he made a mistake. I can tell he truly feels ashamed. Nonetheless I am hurting, confused, angry, and I can’t stop having visions of the two of them together.

We are trying to make our marriage work. I love him, and I can’t picture my life without him, but I can’t stop torturing myself. I have to let this go if our marriage is going to work. Do you have any suggestions to help me with this? — TORTURING MYSELF IN ALABAMA

DEAR TORTURING YOURSELF: Yes, I do have one. But before I offer it, let me point out that all of the emotions you are feeling are normal under the circumstances. Because you want to make your marriage work, with the help of a licensed marriage and family counselor, you and your husband should analyze what led to his infidelity. Your doctor should be able to refer you at the same time he or she gives you both the results of your STD examinations.

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DEAR ABBY: We are good friends with a couple who have taken two very nice vacations a year for the last several years. We are all in our late 60s.

When they book their trips, they intentionally fail to include ground transportation to and from the airport. They rely on having friends take them. The airport is about 45 minutes from where we live. They never offer to cover gas or parking for the trips. I feel it’s inconsiderate and poor manners. The wife is a very good friend. Her husband books the vacations, and she has to do the “begging.”

My husband and I take a limo to the airport. None of us lack the money for vacations. We now just make excuses to not accommodate them. I would appreciate your opinion. Should we just tell them the truth? — AGGRAVATED IN ATLANTA

DEAR AGGRAVATED: By all means tell your close friend the truth. And when you do, pass along the name and number of the limo company you use.

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DEAR ABBY: My wife passed away six years ago. I have finally reached a point where I’m ready to not be alone anymore. The problem is I’m interested in one of her sisters. I love and care for the whole family, and it would devastate me to lose them by revealing it. Am I way off base to even think of pursuing it? Should I drop it or talk with her to find out her thoughts? Maybe I shouldn’t try because it’s not “normal,” but I am interested in the possibility. — FORBIDDEN LOVE IN TEXAS

DEAR FORBIDDEN LOVE: This situation isn’t as unusual as you may think. In biblical times, when a woman lost her husband, it was expected that his brother would marry her. If your late wife’s sister is single, tell her how you feel. You have known her long enough that those feelings may or may not be mutual — but no law says you can’t find out.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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Good advice for everyone — teens to seniors — is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)