Being vulnerable. This concept frequently comes up in conversation in therapy sessions I conduct. Particularly with adult men in relationship conflict, the possibilities are rich for emotional and spiritual growth and development.
Numerous men define vulnerability as weakness. Being vulnerable, therefore is viewed as a set-up for the big hurt, lots of pain. Somewhere from some source that message was seeded and has flourished and sustained itself. Not until a relationship is in jeopardy do some men begin to question the authenticity, the validity of that intact message. Serious doubts about the reliability of that early message are brought to light.
Think back, where did you learn that message? Who was the messenger? Now, I know what you are thinking. Here comes the blame game. No, not really. When we are stuck and wish to get unstuck, awareness is the first step towards, perhaps, a new direction. When open to seeking healthy avenues to get unstuck, we can embrace a new concept to replace an old worn-out, over-used, unhealthy part of the whole of who we are. Thereafter, the blame game no longer has application to our lives. This, folks, is consciousness. When people feel safe, not threatened, in a relationship conflict, again, the possibilities for enrichment are endless.
Looking within rather than only outside ourselves can provide for healing and the creation of new-healthy messages. So what does it mean to be real? For example, it can mean a healthy dialogue with a good listener to include, hopefully your partner. A good listener will, yes, listen, not judge, not be quick to tell you his (her) agenda and not vilify you.
So imagine having a rough day. You're emotional and demonstrate anger and rage ordinarily. Instead, you come home and ask your partner for some time now or perhaps later just to listen. Feeling safe, you're able to express new more soulful feelings such as helplessness, fear, sadness and loss for possibilities. This means that the full spectrums of truer emotions are expressed. That is one of myriad examples of being real, being vulnerable. A new message is seeded and begins to flourish in the spirit of personal growth. Then, you may recognize your part, your responsibility that contributed to the rough day. Do you get it?
How the relationship conflict and its impact upon you might be embraced with a new and healthy definition. Remember, it takes both of you, straight, gay and bi to make the relationship work. Allowing for the vulnerability to flourish, both of you get strong as does the relationship if that is your goal.