When 31-year-old Vanessa DeLand finally decided to set up a Facebook account for herself, she had no idea who she'd reconnect with on the popular social networking site. After reconnecting with some old classmates and friends from years past, she decided to search for the one person who'd always been missing from her life - her biological father.
Now, mere months after she created a Facebook profile, Mrs. DeLand has something special to be thankful for this year - budding relationships with her father, her grandfather, two sisters and their children.
''I can't begin to tell you what this means to me,'' she said. ''This whole thing has been very emotional but wonderful in so many ways. I never in my life thought I would get to say the word 'Dad' - and now not only am I getting to know my father but I'm getting to know the rest of my family. My husband and I and our children have always spent Thanksgiving alone in part because of how I grew up - but now, I've found a family. I'm so thankful for that.''
THE SEARCH
Several of Mrs. DeLand's friends have long been on Facebook and have urged her to set up a profile for herself. But Mrs. DeLand, who describes herself as ''hopeless with technology,'' said she kept putting it off for one reason or another. But finally, her friends were able to convince her to give Facebook a try.
Initially, she said, she used the site to reconnect with old friends from high school. But then came an urge to search for her father.
''I have no idea why I suddenly wanted to search for him on Facebook,'' she said. ''I don't know where that idea came from. But growing up, I never knew who he was. I just knew his name and that he was from Sherman. I had heard that I had two sisters, too, but we never knew each other.''
Mrs. DeLand said her late mother, Barb Smith, had three other daughters - all of whom, according to Mrs. DeLand, look ''very Italian.''
''Here I am with blonde hair and blue eyes,'' she said with a laugh. ''It has always been obvious that I had a different father than the sisters I grew up with. But Mom never tried to hide it from me - she made sure I knew what his name was and that he lived locally.''
And so, one day in late August, Mrs. DeLand sat before her computer and, with butterflies in her stomach, typed ''Mike Weeks'' into Facebook's search function.
''I was almost scared,'' she said. ''I'm 31 and I always felt that if he wanted to have something to do with me, he'd have contacted me. But I put that aside, closed my eyes and hit 'enter.' I had to at least try it.''
What Mrs. DeLand got wasn't exactly what she expected: a list 377 names strong popped up. Most didn't have pictures; others were too young or old to be her father. Disappointed but oddly relieved, she closed Facebook and was about to get up from the computer when she remembered something else - her sister.
''I remembered that people had always told me of the sisters I never got to know, Megan and Danielle,'' she said. ''Growing up, those names stuck with me. So I decided to type in 'Megan Weeks' and see what came up.''
That did the trick. Of the more than 400 results that popped up, Mrs. DeLand took one look at the second picture on the list and knew she had found what she was looking for.
''I just started to cry,'' she said. ''It was so shocking. I knew immediately that we were related - we looked identical, right down to our smile and our eyes. I just knew she was my sister.''
But what to do with the information? After several minutes, Mrs. DeLand took the chance of a lifetime: she sent a Facebook message to Megan, who lives in Sinclairville.
''You never know how someone is going to perceive information like that,'' she said. ''It was very hard. But I managed to type a very simple message to her. I said 'I hope you don't get upset, but I think that we're related.' I didn't know what else to say in the message.''
Fifteen minutes later came the reply - and just then, Mrs. DeLand's life changed dramatically.
''I will never forget what she said,'' Mrs. DeLand said. ''She said, 'OMG, I have heard about you my whole life.' From there, everything just snowballed.''
Snowballed, indeed. The women hit it off and spent days chatting online and over the telephone. Then came their first face-to-face meeting. As Mrs. DeLand was driving through Sinclairville on her way to Dunkirk, she pulled over at an ice cream parlor in Sinclairville and sent a text message to Megan telling her where she was. A moment later, Megan sent a reply and said she could see the ice cream parlor from her house.
''I ended up driving over to her house on the spur of the moment,'' Mrs. DeLand said. ''When we saw each other, we just started balling. We talked for an hour and she invited me to her daughter's birthday party, which was to be held the following weekend. I thought to myself, 'Can you believe it? You have a niece!'''
'SOMETHING JUST CLICKED'
The women spent about a week talking and getting to know one another. During that week, Mrs. DeLand asked Megan if she had any pictures of their father. She did, of course - and when Mrs. DeLand saw them for the first time, she said it was ''as though something just clicked.''
''I looked at those pictures and I could see the resemblance,'' she said. ''I could see myself in that face and I just knew.''
Over the years, Mrs. DeLand said, she spent a great deal of time in Sherman where her father lived. In high school, she dated the son of his best friend. As a child, she had the same babysitter he used for his daughters; in later years, she would attend a friend's baseball games at Sherman Park - the same park where her father was playing in a separate game at the same time. Her sister, Megan, once worked at a convenience store in Sherman. During one of her shifts there, a customer came in and told her that he knew her sister and, if she wanted information she had only to ask.
''But when you're 16, you're distracted by so many things,'' Mrs. DeLand said. ''We never managed to find each other as kids. When you're a kid, what resources do you have? You don't know the gravity of what you're looking for and you don't know how to go about it. But we've found each other now and that's all that matters.''
The search for answers proved emotionally difficult for Mrs. DeLand. In 1999, when she was 20, her mother passed away - and that meant ''there weren't any answers,'' she said.
''So though I had found a sister and she had provided me with my father's contact information, I didn't know what to do,'' she said. ''Talking to my sister, I found out that my father never mentioned me and her mother didn't know about me. It was very difficult to understand. So one day, Megan called him and asked him about me. She said it got quiet on the phone for just a moment and then he told her that yes, he had another daughter.''
Weeks said he was ''surprised'' when Megan called him.
''She called me up and said she met this girl on Facebook who thinks she's related to us,'' Weeks said. ''And I said yeah, if her mother is Barb Smith, she absolutely is. And it just snowballed from there.''
In mid-September, Mrs. DeLand emailed her father. They exchanged several messages before deciding to speak on Skype, an Internet service that allows users to make free video and telephone calls to any number across the country.
''I put off getting Skype and a camera for my computer for quite awhile,'' Mrs. DeLand said. ''I was so scared to go through with it. I was afraid he wouldn't want anything to do with me. But when we finally did talk, it was so wonderful. That first conversation was probably three hours long and we talked about everything. We talked about where he grew up, the things we each liked to do, where I had gone to school - you name it. There was so much catching up to do. There's still a lot of catching up to do.''
Weeks said he treasures that first conversation.
''I just knew Vanessa was here somewhere,'' he said. ''I never knew about her until she was probably six years old. I knew one day someone would find me and say 'I'm your daughter.' And that first conversation was just ... special. It was real special.''
MEETING FACE-TO-FACE
Weeks, who is 55 and lives in Phoenix, Ariz. with his second wife, typically makes the trip to New York to see his daughters and grandchildren every other year. He told Mrs. DeLand that while he wanted to make the trip this year and meet her, his work schedule was making it difficult.
''But I got to thinking about it and for awhile, I was pretty confused,'' he said. ''I was thinking about it all the time. Finally, I just decided I'd reschedule some things and take some vacation time and make the trip to see her.''
Weeks' plane landed in Buffalo on Nov. 20. His friend - the father of the high school boy that Mrs. DeLand had dated - picked him up from the airport. He and Mrs. DeLand made plans to meet for dinner the night of Nov. 21 - but Weeks, who had gone out hunting with friends that morning, decided he couldn't wait that long.
''I had to see her,'' he said. ''I just decided to hop in the car and drive over there. I'm 55 years old so it's not often that I'm nervous, but I know Vanessa was nervous. I was so excited to see her in person. I'll just tell you that there were some teary moments and I think it's safe to say there are probably going to be a few more.''
For her part, Mrs. DeLand said she ''freaked out'' when she looked out her living room window and saw her father standing in front of her house.
''I couldn't believe it,'' she said. ''I was actually able to hold it together pretty well, but I was shaking when I opened the door and invited him in. We stood in my kitchen and hugged and just started talking. He was only there for about a half hour. It really hit me after he left that I had actually been under the same roof with my father talking to him. It was so surreal. After he left, I hugged my kids and started crying.''
'SOMETHING TO BE THANKFUL FOR'
The last few days have been spent establishing new relationships - Mrs. DeLand and her father have spent the last few days talking and getting to know one another. Her children have been introduced to their grandfather; her husband is getting to know her father. There will be a DNA test and, of course, there are many more questions to be answered and a long history to be explored.
''My life is going to be different from here on out,'' Mrs. DeLand said. ''It's going to be more complete. But I decided something - I'm not going backward anymore. I'm going forward. We've missed out on so much already that I cannot fathom wasting any more time. Even if this doesn't pan out for whatever reason - if the DNA test for some reason comes back and says we're not actually related - I know I've gained from this. I've gained a family, one way or the other.''
What is she thankful for? The answers to that question bring Mrs. DeLand to tears.
''I'm thankful I have answers,'' she said. ''I'm thankful that I'm finally going to know who he is, that I got to meet him before it was too late. I'm thankful that I will know my grandfather before he passes away. I'm thankful that I will know my nieces and nephews, that they will know their aunt, and that I am coming to know my sisters. I'm thankful my children will know what it is to have a grandfather. And I'm thankful that I got to hear my father's voice. Hearing daddy's voice - that's something that's so important to every little girl. People take it for granted, but I can tell you that hearing your father's voice is something to be treasured.''
Weeks, too, said he is thankful for new relationships.
''The answer to that question is simple,'' he said. ''I'm thankful I got to meet my daughter. I'm thankful I'll get to know her and I'm thankful for the person she turned out to be. I can't wait until my wife gets to meet her. This is a new beginning. It's never too late for new beginnings. You've just got to start from scratch and build up a relationship, which is exactly what we're doing and I'm thankful for the chance to do it. This has been 31 years in the making. I honestly thought it'd happen sooner, but you know - everything happens the way it does for a reason.''