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When The Going Gets Rough...
February 26, 2013 - Liz Skoczylas
Many little girls dream of their wedding day as they grow older.
They know that they want a dress with lace, or ruffles, or feathers. They know that they want roses. Or lilies. Or daisies. They dream of a reception hall bathed in pink ... Or yellow ... Or Tiffany-blue. They see their childhood best friend standing next to them on the big day as their maid of honor. And, if that child was me, they saw Jonathan Taylor Thomas, later replaced with Leonardo DiCaprio, and still later replaced with Prince William (I've got my eye on you, Kate Middleton!) marrying them on THE DAY.
As I've learned, little girls often don't take into consideration that there are more people involved in the wedding process than just them. I have learned that there is a groom involved in the planning, and he may not have been dreaming about pink daisies and lace. In fact, he probably hadn't thought that much about it at all. Then, there are family members on both sides who, while good-intentioned, may not see things exactly as you see them.
Over the weekend, Nick and I learned this lesson the hard way. I was feeling frustrated after several failed attempts to carry out some of my visions for our wedding, which is, as of today, 74 days away. Every time something fails or doesn't go as planned, I have tried to move on and find a way around the obstacle. My mom and my matron of honor have both been amazing at suggesting alternate ways to do the things I've dreamed of and Nick has agreed to.
However, as yet another thing went awry over the weekend, I reached a breaking point. Being a girl is already a mess of emotions and hormones, but when you add WEDDING into the mix, things sometimes get a little crazy. Sunday night was one of those nights where crazy took over.
The dog and I took off to my parents' house for comfort, leaving poor, confused Nick on his own at our house. It took some calming down, but I was eventually able to explain how all of the little things added up to one big thing over the last nine months of being engaged.
All of the wedding websites tell brides that the best way to avoid stress building up is to talk, talk, talk. Talk to each other, talk to your attendants, talk to his parents, talk to your parents, talk to the dog. What the websites don't say is that even after you've talked to each other, your attendants, his parents, your parents and the dog, you probably still won't have straight answers, people have talked in circles, and you leave a two hour discussion realizing that nothing actually got accomplished. Let that build up over the course of nine months, and you probably will explode.
I wish I had a magical answer for ways to avoid that breaking point. For me, it took removing myself from the situation before I said something I really would regret, and clearing my head with the assistance of a little blackberry brandy. And, of course it took the dog, who wouldn't leave my side, and hugs from my mom and dad. Once I was more calm, I was able to explain to Nick why I got so upset and we were able to talk out the situation.
In 74 days, no one will know if, as a child, I dreamed of fireworks over my reception while standing next to Devon Sawa and wearing a poofy princess dress. They will see what Nick and I have come up with together, despite the roadblocks. And, in 75 days, we will be on our way to Miami, to celebrate the fact that we made it through this crazy process, together.
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