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Frazzled, Drained, Hurried?

Elizabeth Cipolla

Are you on the brink? If you’re like millions of other working adults, it’s likely you’re someone who is struggling to juggle professional responsibilities along with running a home and raising a family. Like you, I struggle with the same thing. Recently, I was on the receiving end of encouraging words of wisdom from my peers who also juggle a whopping load of professional and familial duties. Comparatively speaking, they are further along on the parenting-while-working spectrum since their children are a bit older than mine. The knowing looks they give as they offer me tried and true pointers that have saved their sanity is always comforting. I’m sure it is nostalgic for them to watch me navigate through this stage in my family and career.

Recently, my sister-in-law returned to work after having her first child, and watching her brings me back to several years ago when I was a new parent. It makes me remember the way I felt as I muddled through the unfamiliar terrain of trying to approach my career in the same way I did before there was a tiny human being relying upon me for literally everything. As I waited for my inspiration to write this week’s column, it hit me; the parenting-while-working spectrum impacts parents of all ages and careers. Just as my peers encouraged me with the wisdom they hold from having already walked down the path that I am now walking, I will pay it forward to my sister-in-law and others who could benefit from my perspective.

The first piece of wisdom I’ve discovered is one you may not expect because it contradicts what we think we know about trying to do everything for everyone all of the time. In truth, being able to do many things for the many roles you fill is really about learning how to effectively do one thing at a time. Although it may sound crazy, it has proven true to me.

Here is what I mean. Think about times in your life when you have everything coming at you at once. You have work deadlines to meet, emails to respond to, customers and employees who need you “right away”, bills to pay, mail to sort through, children to taxi around for after-school activities and a house to maintain. If you actually try and take in everything on your “must do now” list you probably become nauseous with anxiety and incapable of actually completing anything. However, if you stop, take a deep breath and focus on trying to be 100 percent engaged in each moment you spend on one of those particular items, you will be well on your way to becoming an effective single-tasker. Single-tasking is about living in the moment. It’s about pushing the other “stuff” out of your mind and giving your full attentiveness to whatever you have in front of you in each moment. Think of it as wearing different hats. Undoubtedly, this is easy to say, hard to do, but it is well worth trying to incorporate into your busy life.

The second piece of wisdom I’ve discovered is that you must let go of your desire for perfection. In truth, this is something I didn’t realize until after my husband and I had our third child. Prior to our daughter’s birth, I would brag about keeping a “perfectly” clean house and “never” missing a work deadline. I was also proud of the fact that I’d “never say no” to any professional opportunity that came my way. I thought I was an example of a perfect mother, wife and employee.

Outwardly, this may have appeared to be true, but inside I was miserable. I was going to bed later and later to keep up with work I brought home from the office. I was waking up so early that some would consider it to be the middle of the night in order to scrub my floors and keep up on laundry. The thing that was suffering most was what should’ve been most important of all; my family and myself. Then I had an epiphany. It is impossible to truly “have it all” in terms of perfection at work and home. Letting go of these self-imposed, black and white “rules” is actually counterproductive to doing anything truly well. Once I realized it was okay to have crumbs on the kitchen floor, and that staying silent at work when an opportunity to volunteer for a new project came about didn’t make me a failure, I suddenly noticed a better end result in what I did choose to work on.

The third piece of wisdom I can offer was just passed on to me by my peers. It is simple and pointed. Each day, you have to accept the fact that you will disappoint someone. This is reality and it is ok. You are filling many roles and there are only 24 hours in a day. You cannot do it all. You don’t have to be great all of the time, but when it’s time, you have to be great.

Focus on the most critical moments to showcase your greatness. Let go of the rest until next time. I wish you luck as you strive to practice being in the moment and being kind to yourself this week.

Elizabeth P. Cipolla SPHR, SHRM-SCP is a leadership communications professional specializing in the areas of leadership training, creative recruitment strategies, employment branding, professional development and executive coaching for over 15 years. Her leadership experience comes from various industries including marketing, mass media, apparel, education, manufacturing, aerospace, nonprofit agencies and insurance. To contact Elizabeth, email her at elizabeth@catapultsuccess.com.

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