Parents Fall Short On Promises They Made To Help Their Ailing Daughter
By Abigail Van Buren
DEAR ABBY: I suffer from a debilitating, rare, chronic illness. Two years ago, my parents convinced me to move across the country to live with them in a city I’ve never lived in. They promised it would be “only for a year,” they’d pay the cost of moving and finance a “year of wellness.” I was to receive acupuncture, massage therapy, physical therapy, help from doctors, a personal trainer, etc.
They paid to move me, but have not followed through with any of their promises to help treat my disorder. What’s more, I have had to fit an entire apartment’s worth of furniture and other items into a small bedroom, and I’m not allowed to use the rest of the house.
Now that I am here, I can’t afford to pay to move back east or possibly find a place to live or work without being established in this new city. Is there a way to address the predicament I am now in and the fact that they relocated me without keeping their promises? I’m extremely shy and have made no friends in this town these past two years. — DESPERATE DAUGHTER
DEAR DAUGHTER: You should not be isolated the way you are. And you need more help than I can give you in a letter. From your description, you are a prisoner in your parents’ home. Contact your doctor back east about what has been going on. Of course, if you have friends there, you should alert them, too.
You will not get better living as you are. For your parents to have promised help and reneged is inexcusable. If there is an organization that supports your rare illness, it should be contacted too. Please do not wait.
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DEAR ABBY: I’m 22 and I’m dating this amazing guy a couple of years older than me. He really checks off so many things on my “list,” I can’t help but be attracted to and appreciate him. He is a good guy, good looking, real smart and our values match up. We also have a really good vibe together.
Here’s the issue: He is not as tall as I would prefer. He’s not super short, but we are the same height and when I wear shoes with a small heel, he’s slightly shorter.
I don’t know why I’m still thinking about the height thing when I could really see us together long term. Am I being superficial? What should I do? — UNSURE IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR UNSURE: Ask yourself this: Is your self-confidence so lacking that you would seriously allow his height to bother you? If the fact that you would be self-conscious wearing heels with him could deter you from a long-term relationship, you should let him go because your values are not as alike as you would like to think.
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DEAR ABBY: My husband passed away nine months ago at the age of 52. I miss him every day.
Recently, a man who was a friend of ours asked me out on a date. I must be honest — the last nine months have been very sad and lonely, so when he asked me, I experienced a mixed bag of emotions. Would it be wrong to accept his invitation? And how do I deal with the guilt I’m feeling because I would like to go out with him? — MUST BE MOVING AHEAD IN VIRGINIA
DEAR MUST BE MOVING AHEAD: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your husband. It’s not surprising that the period since his passing has been difficult for you. There is no set timetable for grieving the loss of a loved one. If you feel the time is right to have companionship again, you should not feel guilty about it. Go, girl, go.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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