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Finding The Spirit Of Christmas

Her kids are grown and gone now. They’re scattered here and there across the country, in various stages of relationships or financial distress or their first real jobs.

Talk about midlife changes: she upped and moved last year by herself from the only city she’s ever known to a warmer one down south. No more Buffalo winters. A fresh start after the death of her long-time partner who died of cancer. Another relationship ended when she realized Prince Charming wasn’t so charming.

She was adjusting well to her new life until the Christmas season came along. She started wandering around her new house wondering how a single mother of grown children can find a brand new meaning for the holidays — a holiday where she is no longer playing Santa. There’s no one to bake for; no one to anticipate the joys of each unfolding day of the season.

So she hung up a wreath on the door and called it a day.

And then she asked herself this: How do I redefine the holidays when the meaning of Christmas has changed for me?

The answer came to her the next day.

She woke up to find her new neighbors had come over and strung lights all over the front of her house. There were colored lights on the tree; white lights on the bushes; snowflakes dangling from the porch, and multi-colored laser lights shining red and green on the house.

This was the handiwork of the little girl next door. She must have told her parents she wanted to do something nice for their new neighbor; wanted to share the spirit of the season with her.

Thankfully, the little girl’s father is Clark Griswald, and he showed up for the job ripping open new packs of lights and half a garage full of unused decorations he’d collected in his role as the neighborhood Christmas enthusiast.

And that’s how my friend found the meaning of Christmas again — from the little girl next door who wanted to share what she loved the most, who couldn’t stand to see someone not joining in on the fun. To this little girl, you can’t enjoy Christmas if your house isn’t lit up like a casino.

I’ve been reading all kinds of stories and talking to people about that sort of Christmas spirit. The organic kind that comes from the generosity of others or some sort of magical moment.

The original spirit of Christmas, it is said, began with the birth of Jesus. A feeling of gratitude for our own lives might spring from an awareness of his life. We are focused on compassion and generosity when our Christmas spirit is garnered from our religious beliefs.

But for others, the spirit comes in December, with the first Robert Frost snow, when the evening begins to settle and the lawn reflects the candles in your window.

Or you’re baking in the kitchen and your favorite Christmas song comes on, and you think of your grandmother or mother as you reach for the egg nog in the warmth of your own home, imagining how everyone will gather soon in your living room for a tradition that spans your family’s generations.

But year after year, like it or not, we’re forced to redefine what the season means to us. People we love move away or die; your husband can no longer climb ladders; your children marry and want to spend Christmas in their own homes.

Christmas is always reflecting back to us where we are in our own lives: our age; our circumstances; our physical health; our current commitments. Perhaps the toughest leap is going from being Santa Claus to being without your children at home.

Lots of people I know are going through that right now. And it seems that along the way they discard a few of their Christmas routines: no lights outdoors, perhaps, and fewer cookies; no more frantic dashes to a big box store at 9:00 at night on Christmas Eve; an earlier departure from the office party.

Such is the way of life, my friends.

So, what we have to do is renew our vows with Christmas, find a new way to open our hearts and let all the music and the tastes and the scenes outside find a way into our experience.

Or better yet, we could be the little girl next door with a box full of lights and a heart full of love for her neighbor.

We can make Christmas better for someone else.

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