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Dating In Your 30s

We’ve all been there. We’ve all been single at some point in our lives. Some of us stay that way longer than others, either by choice or by what I like to call, “environmental circumstances.” Sometimes you just look around and realize the dating pool has simply run dry. Meanwhile, I’m still standing in the shallow end with my flamingo floaty around my waist, trying to make the most of it.

There are literally billions of people in this world to gain access to in the dating scene. You can go online and force yourself to be matched up with a potential mate. You can hit up a bar or club, but I don’t recommend that as an option for finding the guy you’d want to take home to Mom. You can attend a party, barbecue, or social event that you wouldn’t normally consider. Try going to church. Look into volunteering. Even if you don’t find your next date, at least you’re doing right by others while still on the prowl. Heck, you could go to the grocery store and see sparks when you and your potential “Mr. Right” go to reach for the same cantaloupe in the produce section. It could happen anywhere, and usually when you least expect it.

There are many challenges that a single adult faces in their 30s. Many of your peers are now in long-term relationships or even married. Their focus is on building a family, while your biggest concern is finding your false eyelashes you forgot to take off before bed from a night out on the town. But in all seriousness, dating can be challenging.

I once dated a divorced father of two, who eventually told me he’d never marry again and was just looking for someone to have fun with. What part of non-committal, instant baggage, “playboy” did he think I would be attracted to?

I’ve also dated guys in their 20s who made me forget how old I was starting to feel, and allowed me to step out of my comfort zone. But sadly, those love stories came to a screeching halt as they always do. You can only take so many times being called “bae,” or references pertaining to how “on fleek” something is from your significant other. I found myself resorting to Urban Dictionary for most of our dates just to keep up with the conversations. In the end, I blamed our demise on a generational/language barrier issue.

Many of us have even succumbed to the peer pressure and gone on that dreaded blind date, never knowing the outcome. “Will I like him? Will he like me? Could he be ‘the one?’ Of course not, he asked if you’d get the check, keeps having a conversation with your chest, and can’t stop referring to his cat as his child.”

And don’t get me started on the pep talk you get from your family.

“Don’t you want to settle down some day? You know the clock is ticking, honey. We just want what’s best for you.”

I know my family and friends are only pushing me to “get out there” so-to-speak, because they care, and I appreciate their efforts. I just believe that if I’m meant to settle down, it’ll happen when the timing is right.

My only suggestion for other single adults trying to make sense of why you’re still out there in the dating world is this: Who you are with does not define you. You can go your entire life being on your own and that’s OK. Surround yourself with good people and their positive energy will radiate within you. It is OK to step outside your comfort zone every once in a while and meet new people. Everyone comes into your life for a reason.

Figure out what you want and make it known. Have high standards. Just because you think you’ve missed the bus on relationships doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to be picky. Follow your intuition. Pick up a new hobby. Make new friends. Just enjoy the simple things. After all, you’re only given one life, so you better make the most of it.

“Life happens when you’re busy making other plans.”

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